BABYGIRL | joyri

break me further

finally i let the tears fall out of my eyes,

looking into the mirror with a wavering bottom lip.

quickly i wipe the tears and fix my makeup.

and try to put my heart back together as much as possible

i couldn't have you seeing me like this, i can't let you know i'm weak.

you wouldn't like that.

suddenly someone barges through the door i swore i had locked, my eyes widen in shock as he pushes you down on the bed, attacking you with kisses.
but nothing breaks me more than when you kiss him back.

you told me they were special.

how is kissing in my bedroom special? on my birthday.

a giggly sound leaves your lips until you meet my gaze and go blank.
sungjae follows your gaze, his mouth forming an 'o' shape.

my hands are trembling but i close my fists and press my lips together.

"yerim- we didn't know-

"i though kisses were special, sooyoung.
not for measly fucks with some cunt."

your face turns into something i can only compare to confusion.

"yerim,what-

"get out."
i hiss,
looking into your eyes,
trying my best not to crack.

slowly sungjae gets up, pulling both of you up in process, you smile at me.
i hate that smile, the smile of sympathy.

"we'll be downstairs,okay?"

"no."

swallowing the lump in my throat i continue,

"get out of my house, both of you."

sungjae only nods, but you look hurt, confused and most of all guilty.

and i want you to. my birthday is ruined. my heart is wrecked.

it could've been a happy day, it should've been.

i decide then i don't want to see you again.

i couldn't have imagined this happening three weeks ago, but now i know how stupid and silly i was to think that you liked me the way i liked you.

to think that kiss had meant something.

it gets harder considering you knock on my door everyday, but my mom tells you i'm busy. i swear you are something of a witch, because with just hearing your voice i'm in tears.

but eventually, you stop calling to my door.

and eventually,
i stop crying.