Immune-ish

Chapter Twenty-Seven

EVA:

"You're not a monster," he says at least three times. Why do I find that so hard to believe?

"Whatever," I say in return. I don't want to fight anymore because I'll never believe his lies. I just need him to leave me in peace.

Xander looks like he wants to say something, but I slam the door the make him shut up. I don't like being lied to.

After I hear him sigh and his footsteps have trailed away, I collapse in front of the door. Sobs shake my entire body, and still no tears fall. If only I were an actual zombie - I still wouldn't cry, but at least I wouldn't be able to feel pain.

I could blame a million people for my sorrow, but I know I have caused this. I was the one who let myself be bitten. I was the one who ran away, instead of confronting my problems. I'm the monster who almost killed Xander. I was the one foolish enough to believe that he could love me back, when I never even loved him in the first place. I am the one who keeps pushing everyone away. I am the idiot that is going to run away from my problems once again.

Get cured, leave. That's the plan.

*****

I pull myself out of my ball. How long have I been sitting here?

The light shining through the window hints that it is evening. I've been here almost all day, but never even slept. My mind was kept busy blocking out Xander and Chloe's conversations and studying every other solution to my problem, but all of them ended in either Xander or me dying, if I'm not already dead.

Get cured, leave. Go back to Newcoast, and hope there's something left to go back to. That is the only way to keep everyone from getting hurt. Sophie might accept me now, and if she doesn't, then maybe it's for the better. Maybe "living" in the forest will be even better than Newcoast.

So that's the plan.

Slowly, I arise from the hard floor. If I don't do this now, I will likely rot in this room.

I place my hand on the doorknob. I bet it's cold, but I can't tell. Temperature has stopped affecting me now.

The door swings open and I step out of my room for the last time. I brought nothing when I ran away, so I have nothing to take with me when I run away again, except for his beanie and his mom's clothes.

"Eva?" Xander calls from the living room.

"Yeah," I state. My voice is so flat in my preparation of what is coming.

"Come here."

Already planning on it. I go into the living room and jump as little arms wrap around my waist in a gentle hug.

"I'm sorry," Chloe says. Her r's sound like w's.

"It's okay," I say. "You were right anyway." And she opened up my eyes to that fact.

Chloe releases me and runs to sit with Xander. They make a good family. One that I am not to be a part of.

"Eva," Xander says, "she wasn't right. You're not a monster." I've noticed he says my name over and over when he's trying to convince me of something. It really doesn't work.

"Stop," I command. I can't take him lying to me any longer. "I'm not here to argue with you."

Xander leans forward and gives me a look of concern. He asks, "Then what are you here for?" He sounds just like I did this morning.

I take a deep breath. I've found I don't need to breathe, but it helps me talk better and keeps me from "crying" sometimes. "I'm here to say goodbye."