Finding Finn Reed

IX

Finn sat at the dining table, flipping through his magazines. My heart ached, and my body froze. "Finn?" I stuttered. Finn looked up from his magazines, and smiled. "Morning, is everything okay?" he asked, now standing up from his chair. Just a while ago I was in a field, meditating. When I began thinking about Finn, I felt time slow down. I time hopped. My immediate thought was Atticus, and where he was. I couldn't feel his presence, but I remembered his promised to watch over me.

Finn began to approach me, setting his magazines down. My body staggered back with disbelief. Seeing Finn for the first time since his death shook me to my core. I found it hard to believe it was really him, and not just a dream. "How'd you sleep?" Finn asked as he hugged my body. I stood there speechless and unable to react. "You okay? You look a bit pale." I felt pallid. My heart began to pound really fast, my arms squeezed tightly around Finn. I began to cry. "I missed you" I whispered to Finn. His hands ran down my cheeks, wiping the tears away. "I saw you just yesterday" he laughed. My arms wrapped even tighter around Finn, I didn't want to let go, I wasn't ready to.

"I'm just happy to see you is all" I softly said. Finn patted me on the shoulders and smiled, "Getting to see you everyday is amazing" he said. I felt at ease knowing I was able to pull it all off. If it weren't for Atticus, none of this would have been possible. Despite how surreal all of this felt, I was eternally grateful for this ability.

I looked outside, no snow or rain. Just dark and heavy clouds. "I'm surprised" Finn said. "About?" I asked, making my way over to the couch. Finn walked over to the giant window and placed his hands on the cold glass. "No snow or rain today, I can't even hear the wind." I smiled and sighed with relief once again. I didn't have to worry anymore, I had Finn. I began to look through my old boxes once more. When Finn died, I had everything packed and ready to go, never to look in any boxes ever again. The first box I picked up was the box with the mysterious writing on it. I noticed it had been written on again. I flipped it onto its side, and read the encryption: I'm here. I'd expect to find a hidden message like this in a dream or  vision, however considering this was real, I knew who had written it.

"Looking through boxes again?" Finn asked, motioning himself over to the couch. I smiled, and proceeded to open the box. Light bulbs. "You know I collected light bulbs" I said as I pulled one out, examining it carefully. "Light bulbs? You collected bulbs?" he asked in disbelief. I laughed at Finn's question, thinking about the first time he asked me that. "My father did, eventually I took after his collection." I began to remember so many things. My father's gray findings, the day I met Finn, the day I met Atticus, I reminisced in old fragments of memories. "Why do you think the past is so irrelevant?" I asked Finn, my eyes focused on his soft face. Finn's face became bland, almost uninterested. He didn't respond right away, it took him a good minute to think about it. Finally, when he answered, he sounded unsure of his response. He told me it was because people couldn't change the past, and that there was no reason in trying to care about it. His answer upset me a little, but only because I was able to change the past, unlike so many other people.

Finn and I stayed on the couch and spoke of many things. About why it's always so cold, our future goals in life, what we thought about each other, for hours and hours. "So, do you still love the idea of me?" Finn asked. I began to laugh nervously, thinking about the first he asked me if I loved him. "Is that such a crime?" I nervously laughed as I fiddled with my hair. Finn laughed, and leaned closer towards me. I began to feel a warm sensation all over my body, and my stomach knotted. "I don't just love the idea of you, Melanie" Finn said, his body moving closer and closer to mine. My body began to shake, I felt nervous. "I love you, more than you know" he whispered, his face now an inch away from mine, his hands gently placed on my cheeks. I could feel his breathing on my neck, his eyes examining every inch of my face. His face moved in closer, his lips coming close to touching mine. "Finn, hold on a sec" I interrupted, "I'm feeling a little tired." Finn quickly moved away, almost to say he was sorry. "Yeah, it's getting late isn't it? Why don't you take the bed tonight, I'm gonna stay up a while longer" he said, looking away from me. Without saying much, I mumbled a goodnight, and went into my room.

Finn wanted to kiss me, I thought to myself. The idea of Finn wanting to do that addled my brain. I wasn't sure I was ready to accept his gesture right away. I felt perplexed, deep down there was a part in me that would have gladly kissed Finn over a million times. However, the other part was afraid of rejection and desertion. I tried to put the thought off, and catch some sleep in hopes that by morning it would all be forgotten. It only took a couple minutes to fully fall asleep. For the first time in a long time, I was able to sleep. Knowing that everything would be okay.

I woke up to the return of the howling winds and rain. I looked out the window, it was a thunderstorm. The roaring sounds of thunder had made the ground shake. I went outside into the living room, but Finn wasn't there. I looked in the kitchen, but he wasn't there either. He wasn't in the bathroom, and he wasn't sitting in his chair. He was gone. My heart skipped a beat, I began to run all around the apartment, calling for his name. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me. Go after him. I hastily ran towards the door, but paused before opening it. There was a shadow in the corner of my eye. "Finn? Oh god you scared me I thought you had left" I sighed. The shadow rose up, and began to walk towards me. It wasn't Finn.

"He's not coming back, Melanie." My eyes widened, tears beginning to form. "Atticus? What are you doing here, where's Finn?" I quickly asked. Atticus sighed, and looked down. "He left for a midnight drive" he said, still facing the floor. I ran towards the giant window that looks down at the entire town. My hands touched the cold, frosty glass. "It happened again" I sighed, the tears now rolling down my face. "I'm sorry" Atticus said, "I really am." I lost Finn once again, however I was relieved to not have seen it again.  "So what now?" I cried, "Is it even possible to save him?" Atticus looked at me, his face saddened. I began to think to myself, if I kept going back, would it even be worth it? Would I even be able to save him? "So what now?" I asked, "What do we do?" Atticus approached me, and placed his hand on my shoulder. "We try again."