Ice -- Wolv book II

30 - Spring

Do you blame yourself?

"..."

I can see it in your eyes. Y'know you can't lie to me, right? I've always caught on. You do blame yourself, don't you.

"..."

Why won't you speak to me?

"..."

You can't ignore me forever, Humfrey.

"This isn't real."

No...no, maybe not. But I'm here, aren't I?

"This is just a dream."

Ah, of course it is. Ever the realist, aren't you! Can't you just let yourself have a moment?!?

"I left you."

Bull. We both know darn well you didn't. C'mon, Humfrey! It wasn't your fault! You know I could never blame you for being kidnapped, right?

"I still left you. I don't even know if your alive."

Hmm...can't really help you with that, I guess.

"..."

Please, please don't beat yourself up over this! None of this was in your control!

"Are you kidding me? I never should have turned around and gone to Kinwaw. Look how that turned out! I should blame myself! I made a stupid choice, an' it cost me. An' why aren't you mad at me? What's wrong with you, Nadie! Yell at me! Scream, kick, punch me, I don't care!"

...

"Don't you go silent on me now!"

Do you remember when we first met?

"What? Don't change the subject!"

You were shy, sitting at the end of the table in the Manager's office for our orientation, trying not to get noticed. I think you had a bruise on your face--no, it was your arm, wasn't it! A big ol' hand print, wrapped around your wrist. Your dad had grabbed you too hard.

"Why the heck are you remembering this now?!?"

Do you remember what I said to you at the end of that day?

"..."

You were lookin' all sad and pathetic, walkin' out to your car. I caught up to you an' said--

"'Don't blame yourself for what others do to you.' That's what you said. I remember."

I'm glad you remember something! Do me a favor, would ya? Don't blame yourself for someone else's screw up. None of this is on your shoulders.

"This is just a dream. How could I possibly know that you feel that way?"

Oh, I dunno. I mean, we've only known each other for what, two years now? You know me well enough to know darn well how I feel!

The brown wolf bat its eyes at me, before turning around and walking away, leaving me alone in my dreams.

          *         *         *         *

Come on, hold still!

I squinted my eyes against the sun and tightened my grip on the stock of the rifle. I could see the caribou straight ahead; it was in my sights, but my heart was beating so wildly in my chest that I couldn't keep the gun steady. It had been a while since we'd seen such a large caribou, and I didn't want to mess this up.