THE SECRET BEHIND LIFE

8. Till It Happens To You

THE RASP IN HAZZA'S VOICE GIVES ME HEART PALPITATIONS. ♥♥♥
Anyway enjoy this chapter.
Thank you.
--Zainab Hera :)

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Do you know what it feels like? You say you can understand but you can't. You have not been in my place. So you fucking can't understand what it feels like. What it feels like to be cold. Stone cold. You have no idea what it feels like to be feeling less. Even I don't know that because I can't feel anything. HAHA. The irony though. I can't feel anything but I'm still trying to explain how being feeling less feels . That really is ironic. But it's weird. Like I don't know but it feels kinda different. Actually it feels nothing. I don't know because I can't feel anything. Being feeling less is good in a way and bad too. Good in a way that you can't feel the pain, the hurt, the sadness, the depression, the fear and the anger. Bad in a way that you can't feel the most important and most wanted thing in life known as HAPPINESS.

You don't know what it feels like to be emotion less. It is terrible to be in a room full of people who get to experience every single emotion known to man while you sit in a corner like an empty bottle, devoid of any emotion. It is horrible when everyone around you is happy and you just sit there trying to know what happiness is and what it feels like to be happy. You try to remember what it feels like but you've forgotten because it's been a long time since you experienced happiness. You don't know when was the last time you were happy. You try to remember the last time you felt true happiness but you come up with nothing.

You have no idea what it feels like trying to be nice. You try to be nice to people but you always end up snapping at them. You just can't help it. You hate people. You try to be nice. You try your utter best but you somehow always end up hurting your loved ones and the hurt in their eyes kills you inside.

You've no idea what it feels like to be lonely. It is so fucking terrifying. You practically literally dread the moment when you will be alone and the demons inside your mind will scare you to death. You love the time of night as well as hate it at the same time. You love it because at night you are finally able to remove your mask and be yourself. You are finally able to cry. And at night you and your thoughts are alone and no one disturbs you. You hate it because your thoughts will invade your mind and your thoughts are something that no one wants to think about. You hate it because you will be alone and you finally will have to come face to face with your demons.

You have no idea what it feels like to be unwanted and to not being loved back. You've no idea what it feels like to be stabbed by your best friends and what it feels like not being good enough.

To be honest, it kills you. The feeling of not being good enough is enough to kill you.

You've no idea what it feels like being a loser. It is not a pleasant feeling when you fail at every single thing you try.

You've no idea what it feels like sitting all the day, locked up in your room trying to cry to lighten your heart and waiting for sleep to come.

You don't know what it feels like when you lose your appetite. When you become a walking talking zombie.

Everything hurts to be honest. But you won't understand. No matter how many time you say that you can understand, you just can't. You can not understand until and useless you experience all these things. You'll only understand till it happens to you.

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