DragonDoor University

Chapter 8: Anger, regret and forgiveness?

*Jack*

its been 2 weeks since David was killed and everyone has changed Katy is quite and Dan cant look me in the eye or anyone for that matter. I hate the fact Dan blames himself for David's death, he says he don't and that what i told him was true but i can tell that he still does as the light in his eyes isn't gone just dimed down because of the rain in his mind.

I grab my phone from my desk and phone Dan after shutting my revision booklet on the drug classification and why they are put into categories for my test next week to determine if i can finally go and become a officer.

''hey Dan umm are you ok'' i do feel hesitant in asking but its killing me inside and i need him to know he is not alone....not now and not ever.

''hey jack what's up'' his tone is low and i hear what i think is his tv in the background

''hey um Dan i was just thinking i know you have been wanting some alone time after what happened god damn it why did you do that don't bloody mention it you prick but i was wondering if you want to come over and maybe sleep over i mean we haven't got any lessons tomorrow so maybe we can go the beach or something'' i say it in a friendly way as i think he is still a bit awkward about what happened in the car.

''y....yeah i would love too Jack i will be over in a while ok bye '' i say my goodbyes and hang up and check the unread messages on my phone

'' junk junk junk junk and oh my god no way junk'' i keep deleting what spam i have and come across a unread message that was apparently sent a 3 weeks ago.

i open it and start to read

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now jack before you delete this just hear me out I'm so sorry for everything that i have done and the fact is i never hated you i just hated seeing Dan so happy with someone else

I never meant to offend you but i have known Dan for a long time and have been the brother he never had to him making sure i kept him from harm and from the assholes of the world that just want to use a person a nice as Dan and at first i thought you was one of those guys

but i was wrong, your nothing like them and i saw that the moment Dan came to me with a new fire in his eyes and the shaking knees of a pup. He fell for you the moment you bumped into you (like the pun heheh sorry jack) and at that moment  i went from protecting him from you to protecting myself from maybe losing him.

i know you probably hate me but i was only acting the way i was born to act and did it to protect Daniel.

But now its your turn to protect and look over Dan even if that means me being out of the picture......

If you love Dan then who am i to get in the way i may not agree with same gender love but love is love and as long as Dan is happy then i am

i hope you can call me when you can get this and talk it over bye buddy

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Confusion takes over me and i feel my heart speed up in fear and shock as i read the final sentence in my head   and the fact he called me buddy and maybe the reason why he died was because he felt like i was taking the greatest thing from him.....he didn't die that day he died the moment i arrived......i took someone's one chance of happiness for my own.

I can't control my emotions no longer and all the hate i had for David turns into dread and guilt on my self it isn't Danny's fault i....its mine my ears go down and the darkness of my room takes over me and plunges me into a pit of self doubt and a Varity of what if scenarios.