I Thought You Were Different

Barton

"Sir, please stay back," the doctor ordered, pushing Steve away with a gentle nudge just to make his point that he was in charge. He gingerly removed the tube and waited; he waited a few agonizing seconds before you finally took your own breath and began to cough incessantly. "That's normal," he reassured. "It should pass in a few minutes."

Steve and Tony waited patiently, watching the rest of the team file into the room and stand along the far wall, where they were just able to see you without interfering. The coughing subsided fairly quickly and the doctors backed away, but one of them took Steve's arm and pulled him close enough to whisper, "Captain, if we could talk for a moment?"

"Yeah, just one sec," he said and pulled away, hurrying to your side as you calmed yourself. "Hey, honey, you're okay. I'm right here." He took your hand in his and watched, patiently waiting for you to say something, finally, after such a long time feeling terrified that he would lose you again.

"Steve," you said in a voice that he could barely hear, rough and gravelly from the tube that had just been removed. "I can't..." you faded and began to cough again, each word stinging your throat with a biting dryness.

"It's okay, don't try to talk, (Y/N). Just stay quiet, it's okay."

"Captain," the doctor summoned again, "please, it's very important that we speak."

Steve turned to look at the man, his face filled with annoyance at the interruption; he wanted to focus solely on you, seeing for his own eyes that you would be okay. He wanted you to know that you were his only concern. "In a minute," he hissed quietly with a stern tone.

"Steve," you began again, your shaky grip on his hand tightening, "I can't move."

~~~

"The paralysis may be temporary," the doctor said calmly, hoping his tone would keep the team that way; Steve and Tony in particular. "But, there may be permanent changes, and we won't know that for sure until we can focus on rehabilitation. She needs time to heal before we can even think about that." He stood from his chair and walked to a large screen at the front of the conference room, images taken of your injuries highlighted across them. "The bullet entered here," he pointed, "grazing this area of the spinal column. A few millimeters more and we wouldn't even be having a discussion about potential recovery."

Sam was sitting to Steve's left and Bucky to his right, watching Steve as he listened and then closed his eyes as the doctor finished, leaning forward on the table to rest his head in his hands. "Hey, Cap," Sam reassured quietly, "she's got this. (Y/N) isn't going to give up, and neither are we. We're gonna help her, okay?"

"This is my fault," Steve mumbled, "if I had aimed the shield differently...or taken the hit instead..."

"Don't go there, man. Don't go to a dark place."

"How do I keep doing this to her, Sam? No matter what I do, I'm never good enough. After everything we just went through, and after losing her, I finally get her back and look what happens." Steve leaned back and stood, forcibly pushing his chair in with a slam against the table. "But that's going to end right now."

"Wait, what are you gonna do?" Bucky asked, standing now at Steve's side. Steve barely acknowledged him, rather looking at Tony intently on the other side of the expansive table.

"Hey, Stark, remember that plan I wanted to tell you about? Well, it's time."

~~~

With your eyes closed, you could focus on the sounds around you; the mumbling doctors across the room, talking about you as if you weren't even there, the rhythm of your own heartbeat on the monitors, the smell of antiseptic and medicine and the sting it made in your nostrils and into your chest, and the lack of sensation anywhere below your waist. Every time your mind went back to that final observation, you forced it back to focus on any of the others. But it always came back around.