Last To Know [Black Veil Brides]

Chapter 41

"And who will remember, this last goodbye? (Oh whoa oh oh) 'Cause it's the end, and I'm not afraid to die."

***

Today is Sunday. Sunday of week six. It's been three and a half weeks since my father was last admitted to the hospital. He's not been discharged since. I know the doctor told us that this kind of thing came out of nowhere, and with the aortic dissection having occurred, he'd been lucky to stick around this long. Out of curiosity, I'd googled some statistics. Apparently, most people don't make it past two or three weeks. But it was just like my father to have as much perseverance as he did.

If for nothing else, that man would stay alive just to prove everyone wrong. He never was the kind to be 'just another statistic.'

My father had been drifting in and out of a comatose state for the past two weeks. Today was a good day. Today he knew his name. Today he knew the date. Today he recognized me.

Some days weren't so good.

It seemed like the hours of the day dragged on and on. My dad and I didn't say much, we simply took pleasure in the presence of one another.

Towards the end of the day, however, my dad spoke up. "Now, Bella, as much as I'd like to pretend, you're not my little girl anymore." Tears had begun to well in my father's eyes, the eyes of a man who rarely ever cried. "With that being said, you're a grown woman. I can't keep secrets from you, and I can't pretend that you don't know either." He sighed. "I can't keep pretending I don't know either, because in reality, we both know."

Part of me felt like I knew what he was talking about, but the other part of me clung to and extraordinary amount of hope. My dad was a tough man. Would this one thing really bring him down?

"What are you talking about, Dad?" I asked, my voice nothing less than shaky.

"It's not healthy for you to pretend either, darling. We both know my days are numbered."

I didn't really know what else to say, so I just nodded instead.

"Before God takes that very last breath from me, though, I'm taking the time I have to tell you how much I love you. I've never been good with women, Bells. Your mother and I split up, Camille and I split up, and those two are just the ones I married. But for some unknown reason, I've always been good with you." A single tear rolled down his cheek. "From the second you were born, you were a Daddy's girl. I've had you wrapped around my finger since day one. Sweetie, I'm so blessed to have spent the last twenty-two years of my life with a daughter as wonderful as you. You've made every single day of it worth getting up and carrying on. Even in the face of adversity, Bella, you gave me a reason to smile. You've given each and every day meaning and purpose, and I love you so much. You'll always be my little girl."

By this point, I was biting my trembling lip in a fruitless effort to hold back my own tears. They had begun to descend down my face, one at a time. 

"I love you, Dad, so much. I know I don't tell you that enough, but I swear I do. Sometimes I don't know how I'd make it through in life without you by my side." The tears were cascading down my face, and I was barely able to whisper with my broken voice, "I still don't know how I'm going to do it."

"You'll be just fine without me, sweetheart. You're a strong, independent, and lovely young woman. There's no doubt in my mind that you'll kick ass in this world. With or without me by your side."

"But there's so many things I'll never get to tell you. You won't get to walk me down the aisle. You haven't even met the man I'm going to marry, Dad." I sniffled a bit.

"I wouldn't be too sure of that." He simply smiled one of those all-knowing Dad smiles. I didn't have it in me to take that smile away from him, because I was almost certain my father had not met the man I was going to marry.

"Who's going to be there to give me that push to get up there when I get cold feet?"

"You've got it in yourself, darling. You don't need me for that."

"But I need you for so many other things, Dad. I just can't do it alone." I'm sure I was sobbing by this time.

"You can, you'll have to, and you will." He voice was quieter now, barely above a whisper. He seemed short of breath.

"I'm scared, Dad."

"You're human, of course you're scared. Take that fear and channel it towards accomplishing your goals. I've got no doubt in my mind that you're gonna go far, kid."

He offered a weak smile, making evident that even the simple gesture was a strain on his dwindling amount stamina.

"Aren't you scared?"

"Me? No, I think I resigned myself to the idea, a long time ago, that I wouldn't be around for much longer. But once you get to that point, you accept that it's best for you, and the loved ones you surround yourself with. But no, Bella. I'm not afraid to die."

He took a deep breath and spoke weakly, "I love you, my beautiful girl." As he exhaled, the heart rate monitor above him flatlined. If I hadn't seen or heard it myself, I might have been able to tell myself that he was just going to sleep for awhile, though in my heart, I'd know it wasn't true.

His eyelids, heavy and laden with the loss of life, slowly rolled over his eyes, closing them for good.

The doctors and nurses came flooding in, just seconds later. They quickly decided that there was nothing that could be done at this point. It all seemed like such a haze to me. Bright lights, the rapid movement about of all the medical personnel. All with the white noise of that infuriating heart rate monitor in the background.

But then it stopped, just as suddenly as it started and one of the doctors spoke.

"Time of death: 9:46 p.m."