Last To Know [Black Veil Brides]

Chapter 42

"Over and over, over and over, I fall for you. Over and over, over and over, I try not to.
Over and over, over and over, you make me fall for you. Over and over, over and over, you don't even try to."

***

I never though I'd be able to survive in a world without my father. But as it turns out, I've made it four whole weeks, and nary a cause for concern. The funeral was hard, the weeks that followed even harder, but for some reason, today I had a better outlook on the world. It took me a month to get here, but for some reason, I feel as though I am finally alright.

Today I was ready to go home, after what seemed like ages.

I knew my father had moved on, and was probably in a better place. He wasn't suffering any longer, and that was all that really mattered.

I had learned a very valuable life lesson in all of this, valuable yet simple. Life was short. And instead of worrying about what little time you have on this earth, you should live every waking second to the fullest. I felt that I could proceed with an earnest application of this theory to my own life.

For whatever reason, I've spent the past six months ignoring the fact that I have feelings for a man. It's hard to say why, though perhaps it had something to do with the fact that all of my previous relationships had ended in disaster. Whatever the reason, I was determined to end it now. Today, I flew home. If all went well and none of my flights got delayed, I should be home by seven in the afternoon.

I planned to touch down, get my bags, take them home, and then I was headed straight to Ashley's house. I was going to tell him how I felt this time, no holding back. I only hoped he didn't think me an idiot for keeping it from him so long.

When I arrived back at home, Amber was nowhere to be found, so I assumed she was out. I haven't spoken to her in almost a month. Honestly, I hadn't spoken to anyone. I didn't really tell anyone about my father's passing, except for Andy, but I guess they would figure it out soon enough. I was simply wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, which I figured to be under dressing for the whole professing-my-love-to-someone thing.

I exchanged my basic blue t-shirt for a simple black tank top, and I changed from my sweatpants into a pair of distressed blue skinny jeans. I pulled on a pair of my favorite doc martens, and thre my hair up, too lazy to put in any real effort into it. After that, I applied a bit of mascara to give my eyes some definition, and I decided I was good to go.

I grabbed my keys and my bag and headed down the stairs and out the door to my truck.

The drive to Ashley's house was long, but only due to traffic. When I pulled up to his house, I noticed both of his cars and his motorcycle parked in the driveway, pretty much guaranteeing that he was home.

I'd debated how I was going to pull this off, going over a few meticulous speeches in my head.

Eventually I just decided that actions speak louder than words.

*Ashley's POV*

I pulled my shirt off over the top of my head and turned the water on. I was just about to jump in the shower when the doorbell rang.

I got halfway down the hallway before I realized I still wasn't wearing a shirt.

Oh well, I shrugged. Whoever it was, they'd get over it.

When I opened the door, I was met by the very last person I had expected to see today: a very nervous looking Bella.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked, nonchalantly.

She hesitated to say anything and within seconds, I knew why.

She approached me suddenly and places her lips on mine, snaking her arms around the back of my neck to pull me closer.

As if by instinct, I release my hold on the door and threaded my fingers through her hair. I didn't know what she was doing, or what I was doing, for that matter. But I wasn't ready to stop.

Conscious of the fact that we were still standing in my doorway, I took a few steps back, pulling her with me, and shut the door.

I immediately back her up against the door, effectively pinning her in place. It didn't seem like she wanted to move anyways.

She was the first to break the kiss, giving me time to breathe and turn my attention to her neck.

I should've stopped then, and broken away from the kiss entirely, but I didn't.

"Ashley." She spoke up.

"Yes, Bella?" I mumbled against the skin on her collar bone.

"I'm sorry."

I picked my head up almost instantly, leveling my face with hers so that I could look her in the eyes.

She looked even more anxious than before.

"For what?" I asked.

"For constantly leading you on and then telling you that I didn't want a relationship."

Then it clicked with me. Here she was, yet again, kissing me, and then telling me that nothing was to come of it. Not that it mattered, I had a girlfriend anyways, but it was still so fucking irritating.

"Why'd you come here to kiss me if you're just going to do it again, then?"

"But, I'm—"

I cut her off. "It's just doesn't make sense, Bella. And this time you kissed me! So I can't blame myself for this one. "

"Ashley, I—"

Again, I interrupted her. "You can't just keep coming in here and making me fall for you over and over. It's like you're not even trying, but I can't get the thought of you out of my head! I've tried living without you, but I can't. I can't seem to stop wasting all my time. Over and over, you draw me back in. But I'm sick of it."

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The except at the beginning is from the song Over and Over by Three Days Grace