Journal [Ryden]

2.

I knew Dallon was angry from the way I heard his car door slam shut.
I was currently doing the dishes when he stormed through the front door, closing it and dumping his keys on the table.

I tried to ignore it and carry on with the dishes, because if I stopped he would get even more angry.

"Come here now, you fucking brat."

I stopped immediately and took a deep breath before turning around. He was sitting on the couch with his legs wide apart, and I knew what he wanted.

"Suck my dick."

So I did. I did it because there was no other option, and he does this a lot so I've learnt to cope.
I used to enjoy sexual activities with him, but it all stopped eventually. Along with everything else I used to enjoy.

I ignored his moans and the way he gripped my hair. It didnt mean anything to me, I just did it.
And I swallowed, and cleaned up and thanked him, because that's what he liked.
And he stood up and put his belt back on, and left the room.

I couldnt breathe.
I couldnt breathe because I was scared and unsure, because he's never left me on my own in a different room than him, and I'm not sure if he did that so I could be alone, or if I was supposed to follow him.

So I did the thing that is less dangerous, sort of, and went to his room.
He was sitting on the edge of his bed, with his phone in his hands, and I watched him, because he didnt look angry, or upset. He looked happy.

And I felt a pang of jealousy, because he was smiling, and it wasnt because of me, and I havent seen him smile in years.

I knocked gently on the door, and he typed something on his phone and looked up, and I'm sure he rolled his eyes when he saw me.

"Yes?"

And I didnt know what to say, so I stood there looking like a lost puppy, but it didnt make him mad. So something was going on.

"What, Brendon?"

"I- uh, we need more milk. A-And bread"

He looked at me blankly before reaching into his pocket and throwing me some notes.

He was letting me go to the shops, and he's never allowed that before. And I felt a rush of excitement, but that was cut off.

"Dont think about running away, or pulling any crazy shit, okay, Urie? I still have that tracking device on you"

And he was in my face, I was against the wall, and he had his right hand placed firmly next to my head.

He smiled, but it was sarcastic and forced, and stepped away from me. I thanked him, as I'm supposed to, and walked out the room, heading outside.