Hearts revival (a follow up from the North and South tale)

how to be conspicuous 13

Being back, and picking up on the teaching is invigorating indeed, I can see what Mrs, Thornton was talking about. I am actually impressed with the progress the children have made while I was gone. but I still haven't really seen John and I'm beginning to wonder if he is avoiding me. It does hurt but I have heard that there are some technical problems at the mill and he has a lot to do because of that. Higgins says John might as well sleep at the Mill. 

Something else is burdening me slightly. The annual ball at the governor's home is coming up in a days time and I feel absolutely no desire to attend. But I know I have too,it's got to do with our status and is important for our business. I am not terribly concerned about our business but it is our bread, Uncle says and also if the money stops flowing I wouldn't be able to support the workers as I have done so far. He says, if we want to change something for the workers on a bigger scale which is my long term aim, we will have to keep our status and our position in the high society, our influence will only be as big as our purse. He is very clever, that Uncle of mine, really, he knows exactly how he can convince me. So I will go to the ball. 

I do have to admit, I'm truly enjoying getting ready tho, I have a new dress, a very exquisite dress that truly shows what we can afford. It is light blue and real silk. The stitchings are very delicate, I have never seen anything like it. It has also moonstones attached in several places. The dress, as well as the jewelry made of silver and matching moonstones, have been initiated by Uncle too. The people talk and so he believes if we show ourselves in such a way that we remind them of who we are, they may be silenced and simply just accept me for who I am. He doesn't seem to mind tho, that the people talk. It's almost as if he enjoys the fact that my doings are offending some of the people. The other night he called them stuck up, I was most surprised and had to tell him off for that, in a playful way mind, I do agree with him otherwise.

We meet at the front entrance. "You look wonderful Elizabeth, like a queen really, and this will complete your look." With that, he sits a little tiara onto the top of my head. This too matches my outlook, I do feel as splendid as a queen.  He doesn't look to bad either, very grand really. Then we climb into a very impressive carriage. surely we will make a great entrance such as cinderella did at the dance.

The people do turn their heads as we enter the ballroom and I can see there is immediately a lot of talking going on. I do feel a little self-conscious, it's not that I am ashamed of what I do but it is a little intimidating being the centre of attraction. Perhaps we shouldn't have made it worse by coming out so elaborate but I can see the necessity. 

We haven't been long at the ball when Delilah heads straight for me. I wish I could turn and walk away but it wouldn't be proper. She is the worst, she never has anything good to say about anybody really. and I'm certain she hates me the most. She never talks to me and I know already that she is only going to talk to me now to say something that will make me look bad. I wait patiently while she advances like a hunter it's prey, smiling at her. 

"Elizabeth how grant you look today, is this a new dress?" Well not too bad then. She moves closer so that her head is next to mine and then she whispers. "I have heard talk that you are working at a cotton Mill. Are you beeing forced?" I wonder what sort of rumors have been going down. Seriously beeing forced, by whom, my Uncle? I almost rolled my eyes.

"No Delilah, I am not beeing forced and I'm not working at the cotton Mill. Well not as such, I am teaching how to read and write to the workers children." She looks at me utterly surprised, this bit of information must be new to her. 

"Now why would you do that?" she asks, truly astonished. Of cause, she would not understand it's not that she is dim, no, she is very shrewd when it comes to degrading another person, which makes me think that she has great skills. If only she could use them for something good. Suddenly I feel sorry for her really, why would anybody act so maliciously, doesn't that mean they are going through some personal circumstances that make them unhappy? Thinking about this helps me not to fall into the abyss she is trying to push me into. 

"I'm trying to help these people." Is my answer. She looks disgusted and loudly she says. "But Elizabeth aren't you afraid that you might get some illness or lice." A few people have heard what she said and they all sort of turn away, some looking shocked, I get the feeling they don't want to be involved. 

Suddenly John is by my side. "Would you like to dance Miss Elizabeth," he asks me. I beam at him, he has practically saved me. I hadn't seen him before, I can't believe my luck; he is here! Dancing with him is heaven. The whole time he kind of looks at me. He doesn't smile, it is perhaps more a searching look as if he would like to read my mind. Most of the time I have to divert my eyes mind, as it is unnerving me too much. 

After the dance, he asks if I would like to step outside with him. Quietly we walk through the gardens. I am too nervous to speak. This is very nice, this walking with him, I feel so very afloat. "Elizabeth I wanted to excuse my absence while you were visiting my house. We had some very distracting problems with some of the machines at the Mill and I had to be present." I'm glad he mentioned it, so he was not avoiding me. Then he carries on. "And I wanted to thank you for your gift."

I look at him nervously, somehow it is very important to me that he appreciates the gift. "Do you like it?" I have to know. 

"It is very unique," he replies, does that mean he doesn't like it? "What inspired you," he asks. I have to think for a while. 

"I love to be at the sea. The beaches and the sea are so beautiful and have me spellbound. I think I simply wanted to share this." He doesn't look at me.

"With me," he asks and for the first time, I hear his voice waver. He is nervous! My heart starts beating even more profoundly than before. I too can't look at him, I must be as red as a strawberry now. 

"Yes with you," I manage to say. We walk in silence after that, an electrocuted silence. Suddenly John stops. He turns towards me. I force myself to look at him too, even though I'm still glowing. 

"A beautiful notion, it means a lot to me," he says, he stares at me and I feel as if my knees would like to buckle. Oh, John, you're completely turning me upside down and what makes me nearly have a heart attack it the fact that I am quite certain that I'm turning his world upside down too! Could this really be? Could I really be so blessed?