Hearts revival (a follow up from the North and South tale)

meddling with the heart 20

We lingered for a while longer but then return to the carriage much earlier than anticipated, just because we had been drenched by the rain. Wrapped in blankets I start to get warm once again. I still can't believe it, I 'm going to be Mrs. Thornton. Well, Mrs Thornton junior more like it. This reminds me that I should go and visit the older Mrs Thornton, after all, we 're going to be family soon. I am still a little weary when I'm in her company and the last time I saw her was at the fire. I really do hope she isn't cross with me for not coming to see her earlier. I divert my thoughts back to the fact that John asked me to marry him!

Happily and light hearted I look over at John. He looks like a little boy who just got the present he always wanted. I am encouraged to giggle. "Are you laughing at me," he asks boisterously. 

"Maybe a little," I say boldly. 

"You will need to be punished for that," he looks high-spirited. He comes over to my side, at first unsure how to punish me, he decides that my punishment shall be a kiss. 

I draw away, " I believe I have to be severely punished," I try to say this in the same playful manner but frankly his closeness and his kiss has kindled the same kind desire again that I felt earlier on, so I breathe the last part. He looks at me intently and kisses me again but this time, I feel the fire that he too is experiencing. He draws me close, only to gently push me away after a few moments, panting. 

"Elizabeth you have me come alive in ways I have never known," he says his voice hoarsely. 

"John , my entire being is drawn to you and I feel as if your touch sets me on fire," my heart beats unusually fast, he stares at me. 

"How can we control this?" He looks dismayed. I agree, anytime we would come close to each other this is likely to happen. I so long to let myself be carried away, to just give in to the yearning. I know tho, that I can not. John deserves a wife that is responsible and can exercise self-control. He needs a strong wife and I intend to be such a one.  

"We may just have to maintain a safe distance," I suggest unwillingly, it is most certainly not what I desire! He nods. 

"How hard this will proof to be," he rises to take a seat opposite once again. Our safe distance regime has started! He looks a little clouded at first but then he smiles again: "I can bear it, tho, my love for you is not based or dependent on having my physical needs met. Rather I desire my hearts needs to be met and my heart is currently most content!" I agree and that fire I have felt is most wonderous and I will treasure it until it may be rightfully unleashed. 

I try to think of something we could possibly converse about that may divert our attention "John," I say, "I would very much like to visit your mother to get to know her more."

He nods: "A very considered notion," he reply's, "I will send you an invitation after I have spoken with her." We manage to stay on this topic.

 Saying goodbye proves itself a little hard once again. I linger and when I do want to get out of the carriage he takes hold of my hand. I turn willing to throw myself into his arms but I simply caress him with my eyes. "I love you, John!" I say. He nods, letting go of my hand. 

"I love you too, my sweet Elizabeth." Reluctantly I turn and exit the carriage.   

Sure enough, I had to give Mary full report. She giggles and I blush while I tell her about the fire so hot that I fear it may consume me. "Mary....." I ask her, "have you ....done this before?" Even tho I'm sure John would be very gentle, I'm still a little anxious. Mary shakes her head. 

"No Elizabeth, I only ever listened to the other women talking. I've been saving myself for the right man." This reminds me of James. I ought to go and see him again and I ought to get going with my matchmaking. I've visited him twice so far and he had been very surprised and pleased that I did indeed come to visit. 

Thankfully, he has recovered and is now back home but I haven't managed to call on him ever since.

Then a plan manifests itself. I take Mary to a park near James house one day. We spend a lovely time walking and then I beg her to come with me to visit him. His house is not far from the park. She is uncertain but I beg her consistently. Eventually, she agrees she hardly ever deny's me a favor if I pester her long enough. I am very pleased a first meeting has been arranged! 

James doesn't seem overly pleased to see me or is it Mary? I almost regret coming. But if I'm not mistaken then it is simply because he doesn't like surprises and he is likely self-conscious in Mary's company. I feel a little evil to expose my friends to this situation, I really hope it will work out, I do mean well! 

James is compelled to invites us in.  He seems to be a very orderly man, I'm glad for his sake and for Mary's, if... I have heard some bachelors can be rather unkempt. 

After a while, he starts to warm up and a conversation about the welfare of the workers is maintained. Mary has some very good points and is able to fill us in on many aspects we hadn't been aware of. James hasn't had the rich sort of upbringing that I had been able to enjoy but his family hadn't had to suffer as the Higgins family did. His father had been a teacher in a  boys-only-school and James had stepped into his footsteps.

To my delight, I witness how James seems to admire Mary for her strength and endurance. Should my plan really work out? In the end, I think he is glad that we came and visited but only until just before we leave. James corners me: "Elizabeth I think I know what you're trying to do. I appreciate your well-meaning but I would prefer it if you would not meddle in such complex matters as these. Also, I would really appreciate it if you would let me know in advance that you 're intending to call upon me." He told me off, he even looks cross. I feel bad. "I'm sorry James I mean you no harm, I am very fond of you and only want you to be happy. You do want me to come again?" I ask a little worried. 

"I do want you to come again but on your own." Now I'm thrown of my track, he doesn't like her? Oh no, what have I done?

Whilst saying goodbye to Mary, he is very gentlemen like and once again I feel confirmed that he perhaps does like her.

Mary walks very fast and seems to ignore me on our way back to the park. I experience a sense of resentfulness. "Mary," I ask her a little afraid, "are you angry with me?" Mary turns towards me, she IS angry with me. 

"Elizabeth, what were you thinking? I know exactly what you had intended with this meeting." I don't like her to be cross with me. We hardly ever disagree. 

"I'm sorry, Mary! I really am!" It is the truth. Knowing James to be upset with me is not nice but Mary being upset with me is almost unbearable.  I should have simply told her that I think James would be a good man for her and perhaps she would have given him a chance. Did I completely ruin any possibility of them finding each other now?