Poetry of Shell

The Gift Box.

in the form of love.
In a gift box wrapped so pretty,
With Tormented big bows.
I've Kicked under the bed. So many times
 There it lies. Covered in xos
They wanted me to know.
Watch the Tears flow.
See the darkness grow.
Time to crawl all over this page.
Like an acid trip.

Don't talk to me about dreams coming true.
Sunny days  and Wonderful things.
Part of me don't believe in such things.
I hate the sunlight, and that's the truth.
It hurts my eyes. Like Most people do.
When I'm alone.
My headphones are my only solace.
Or I can hear the screams.
Past realms.
So much heart break,
Misery, it hurts to think.
The energy its insane.
I mean come on?
The woman who carried me for 9 months
doesn't even know my name.

It's a Violent  war within myself.
Gotta open the remains of the box.
And shed some excess skin.
Threads of me
Dangling
Embrace this notebook.
Through everything.
With all the
I've saids.
The metal spiral pierce through the sins contained.
Inside the what ifs?
The screams Remain.
The why I cried.
Shit. There's times I wonder why I'm alive.
Stupid girl.
Cruel world.
Just because boys say they love you.
Doesn't mean they mean it.
Alcohol breath is always so Strong.
I hated when he could get it.
Just because you wanna save him doesn't mean he will quit it.
Just because you love him doesn't mean he will stay.
And the louder you cry.
Nothing will change.
Except me .
Weary heart.
Unappreciated.
Scared.
Lonely.
I swear if I was an actress i could fill any part.
I could be her mother if you would just let me.
But you keep her from me. So her and I just feel empty.

I'm just me.
Whoever that is?
Whatever I'm supposed to be.
I can't fill in the blanks
So the past angst screams.

Excuse what you've been reading.
Its just the pain excruciating.
Releasing its grip. I think?
I'm determined to shed some excess skin.
Find some peace, Within
Time to take a breath.
Time to  ride the pain.
Time to kick the  box back under the bed.
And let the  inner Strength I have  remain.
Till one day when I'm alone
Chilling in my pjs
The devlish fingers  climb there way out.
And find me in my hide out.
And Grab me from behind.
making Dirty My  Clean Socks.
Pulling me back into that  Damn Old  box
To play games in the corner of my mind.

Don't let the bow fool you.
Or the wrapping make you smile
It's a Violent  war within myself.
Gotta open it for a while.

Don't be concerned by what I've written.
My words don't want me dead.
Its just me dealing
Shedding Some Excess skin.
Its just  the weight I Refuse to carry Anymore within.