Something Along The Way

T h r e e

|author's note|
Hi guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Just a side note, for those of you who may of not seen the changes on my previous chapter. Juniper's 'friend' Emily is now called Roxanne :)
The pic on the side are all of Juniper's friends. Top left: Juniper, Top Right: Roxanne, Bottom Left: Laura, Bottom Right: Jessica.
Oh! There is also a song on the side which I think really fits with what Juniper is going through ;)
*

Breathe. Right  foot first Juniper, good,now the left one. I felt the soles of my feet wobble slightly as I tried to adjust the strap of my bag, gripping on to my textbooks much harder than I should. As if the pressure put on a book about human anatomy would take away the pressure compressing my brain. Stupid, I thought, while resisting the urge to slap myself. The whole inside of me began to cave in as I watched the large crowd of hormonal teens stampede toward the school's cafeteria.

I looked outside one of the walls of the hallway and stared at the large green field and red faded tracks. How many rounds would I have to run to get rid of the calories of today's lunch?
If I ate a tuna sandwich how much would it be? That's 679 calories, meaning I would have to jog for about 78 minutes, but I was too tired to jog, I could feel my body slump as I forced my spine to straighten itself. My eyes were still drooping from the lack of sleep in my system and it almost felt like my brain was jammed, a static radio. I didn't want to estimate, I didn't want to count the amount of calories, I didn't want to run for 78 minutes. I didn't want to eat.

The jitters inside of me began to start. I could feel the breathing of hungry teenagers behind me as both my hands trembled, trying to uphold the empty brown tray in my hands. I had to take something! Before they noticed! What to take? What to take? Think Juniper, think! I dared not to look up, I could feel the concerned stares of my friends behind me and hear the impatient sigh of the dinner lady in front.

"I'll have a tuna salad please". I asked, mentally congratulating myself for maintaining a clear and confident voice, ignoring the unnaturally rapid beating beneath my chest and the violent thumping inside my head. I carefully took the salad, tissues, cutlery and uttered a thank you before walking to our usual table.

I sat down on the cool plastic seat while waiting for the Roxanne and the lot, gratefully taking this opportunity to wipe my clammy palms on my grey skirt,I looked down at my meal. 383 calories. That was bad, so bad, I needed to keep to 500 a day, it was a good thing I didn't make the horrible choice of forcing down breakfast today. I guess I had to pick at a bit of tuna and lettuce and throw away the rest without the girls realising. The thought sounded so simple, rather hilarious considering the fact that I had done this for the past year, but the same horrifying adrenaline and break of sweat would occur everyday. I tried to control my breathing as I the girls began to sit around me.

"So girls did you hear about the new boy?" Laura's voice drifted further and further away, as I was pulled into the deep dark abyss of my own controlling thoughts. I tried to steady my hand as the forkful of tuna and salad hovered centimetres away from my mouth. It took all the control inside of me, not to gag up the water I had drank during biology period, up my oesophagus and onto the table. The soggy tuna reeked,  the sharp smell of vinegar stung my eyes and the sight of that fattening creamy mayonnaise had me almost running to the toilet.

I watched Jessica catch my eye and forced all the energy I had in me to shove that forkful of food into my mouth. Too much. I had taken too much. This wasn't good. I had to stop. I could feel her. I could feel her beginning to raid my thoughts. I needed to leave. Now. Before the voice grew louder. I could feel the taste of mayonnaise at the back of my throat and I needed it gone.

My hands scavenged through my bag, clawing for my bottle. I hastily opened the lid and chugged at it. I felt the relief as the cooling water eased my throat, but it wasn't enough. I could still feel the food. I could still feel the calories. It was inside me now, travelling down my gullet, moving to my intestines, going to my stomach. I could feel the blood seeping in my veins pump faster than they should. I could feel the roaring in my brain. I needed to leave,now.

I carefully observed the girls, they were chatting feverishly about a certain boy with blue eyes. If I left now, they would not notice, I could say that I needed to see Madame Pellon- Bateur for my French assignment.

Quickly covering my obviously unfinished salad with my tissue, I grabbed my bag and left the table with a faux sense of calmness, making sure to throw the calorie- filled dish into the bin on the way out.

The corridors were empty, I felt myself relax and my lungs began to work again as I took large gulps of oxygen from air, I was almost sure I looked like a gaping fish, trying to get back to the water, but the pain hurt more than the embarrassment.

My shoulders pushed against the toilet doors and dropped my bag as I ran into one of the cubicles. I retched as I watched the contents of tuna salad fall into the toilet bowl, and clutched at my weak stomach before sitting on the floor.

I laughed bitterly, my throat raw and hurt at the action. Funny really, me Juniper Evans, the outstanding girl, the smart girl, the pretty girl. And here she was, curled up in a fetal position, my spine digging into the toilet cubicle walls. Only gaining comfort from the graffitied walls and a pungent toilet bowl.

It hurt. It ached. To do this, everyday, to feel the two spindly fingers grab at the back of my throat until the remains of my previous meal was down the drain. But I had to. It was the only way, the only way to be perfect, the only way to be me. Because without this, who was I?

I shakily pushed myself, my feet wobbling and I unlocked myself out of the cubicle and flushed. Warning myself not to look at the peice of reflective glass in front of me, knowing that if I did, this whole day would be worse. I quickly washed my face and applied some concealer, (already a professional at doing so without a mirror) and with my head held high, and my light red lipstick on point. I walked out of the bathroom as the Juniper Evans everyone else knew.

"Ahh Juniper! Just the girl I wanted to see."

|author's note|
Hi guys! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, if you did please do vote and leave a comment. Let me know what you enjoyed or felt could've improved :)

Thanks so much, and you all will be seeing a few more interesting characters in the next chapter 😏😏. Hope to see you all there!

~theaidea