Translucent (Solangelo AU)

2. The Water is Rising

I was a whirlwind. Or, maybe I was a black hole, a void. Once I had engulfed and conquered myself, I set off to ruin and destroy everything in my path. It was like I no longer had control over my life, if I had any to begin with. All I did was push people away and cower in fear. But what is to be done if I, myself, am my biggest fear? There's no hiding, no running, just constant terror and unpredictability and inexplicable fear. Things crumble all around me, as if I was a human earthquake, a cataclysm both willing and unwilling to destroy and destroy and destroy. No one was spared from my wrath, not even the most innocent, the most oblivious. And, at last, my outburst has reached the only people in my life that mattered and has them held under water, each one clawing at the sky for air that they will never again breathe. And they had no idea. Even I, who had been living in my body for nearly eighteen years, still had no idea. I was just as lost and caught up in my own storm.

It wasn't rocket-science to figure out who Bianca had been talking about; it was practically scrawled on her forehead. It was ironic how the people who ruled out evil were the ones most capable of it. How bad people with good intentions were worse than bad people with bad intentions since they weren't even aware of the harm they were causing. They killed and they punished and they manipulated just because they could and because they figured that they had us wrapped tightly enough around their fingers that we wouldn't mind being used as we were. We were lab rats, human test subjects, disposable. Half of our genes came from science, our existence completely altered to fit a fleeting image of what is good and how one should truly act. Maybe they were right to start over, to try to make life better, to make us feel safe in our own homes. But what was the point of feeling safe at home if we weren't safe in our own skin?

Bianca pushed me away as if the thought of being near me repulsed her. That alone was enough to leave a dead, aching feeling in my chest. My sister. My older sister, my only friend, disgusted, appalled, because her daughter was taken to be used as bait to lure me in. Because I was the mistake and someone else was being punished for it.

I knew she was waiting for me to speak, to say that it was somehow a misunderstanding and that they would come over to deliver Elin to her once they realized they had the wrong person, but I couldn't find the words. They were caught somewhere between the back of my throat and the pit of my stomach. How could I reassure her if I couldn't even reassure myself?

"Nico--" she started, breaking the silence as startlingly as one would break glass. Shards both big and small erupted, hitting me like an open target.

"Where?" I growled, surprising myself. It was the most unearthly sound I had ever heard, even Bianca seemed struck. She looked at me like she didn't even recognize me, like I had become an entirely different person in the short time she was away and now she was frightened of me, as she should be.

"W-what? What do you mean?" she backed up further so that she was nearly pressed against the wall.

My head pounded. "Where did they take her?" My voice dripped with urgency and I was nearly bouncing on the backs of my heels. "Can we get there?"

"Nico, you're not turning yourself in." She shook her head violently, the tears coming faster than before, though they were mostly silent. "You don't know what they'll do to you," her voice broke. She was right; I had no idea what they would do to me, but at least I would know I deserved it. Elin wasn't even two, she had her entire life ahead of her. I couldn't let the Creators ruin her life on my account, that would be cruel. Bianca would never forgive me. I would never forgive me.

"I have to," I smiled sadly before letting my gaze slip to my feet, unable to watch my sister's expression break. How could she choose between me and her daughter? It wasn't right. Nothing about this was right. I caught sight of the vegetables Mother had trusted me with scattered on the filthy ground and felt tears sting my eyes. I couldn't do anything right.