Translucent (Solangelo AU)

5. No One's Listening

Ever since Percy left, it's been completely silent. I wasn't called back for any more tests and the only human interactions I had were when they would bring me food (if that even counts as human interaction), and, occasionally when someone came in to question me. I always dreaded those moments, they would pummel me with questions I couldn't answer and questions I didn't want to answer until I snapped, and that was when an unsettling, satisfied expression calmed their face and they thanked me and left again. I didn't know what they still wanted from me, they'd already seen me at my most vulnerable. I was pounded and stripped until I was left feeling nude and inside out and inevitably adrift. If you asked me, I'd much rather stay alone with the ugly rats that spent their endless time scurrying about for food they weren't going to find. Sometime's I left them small pieces of crackers just to tease them into coming back. They were my only form of entertainment, after all.

It's pretty sad, when you think of it; how I've been reduced to a petty rat-whisperer in only a matter of days. The white I was dressed in still belittled me and I found myself missing my dark hoodies and black pants. At that point, I wouldn't even be opposed to a little colour. Anything, absolutely anything but the horrendous white, or the crusty reddish-brown colour I was forced to stare at until day's end. Perhaps blue, then. I had always had a fondness for the infinite shades of blue that both dazzled me and enchanted me. Just the way they fitted together to form infinite bodies of river and ocean, holding dozens of millions of creatures, just as they held me. The thing that always fascinated me most about the waters, however, was not necessarily the depth and wisdom they held, but the fact that they are so powerful that they could reflect entire skies. Then, at night, both extremities fell dormant with the sun, giving the moon a chance to take over and watch as everything went dark.

Sometimes my sister would compare me to the moon. Not because I was dark and gloomy and mysterious (though that is debatable), but because even at night, even when everything is dark and everyone has gone to sleep, the moon stays up to protect the earth when nothing else does. Even though the moon may appear more as an outcast because it hides during the day and comes out once it's sure no one'll disturb it, it is unique in its own way and no one can take that away because, well, who would guide everyone home at night otherwise? Who would be there to offer enough light to make the children feel safe at night?

No one could have presumed that we would all end up like this, that some people are born with flaws, or that others would be just like the rest, but sometimes just because something has minor defaults, doesn't mean they are broken. They say that if they can't fix us, it's because we're so broken that we're irreparable, but it never occurred to them that maybe it's because we were never broken to begin with. The only problem with that, is that they refuse to believe that our differences don't have to make us inferior.

I wished I had counted the days. I knew it couldn't be that long at all, but it still felt like an eternity. I wished Percy would have stayed, no matter how selfish it is of me to say. At least I would have someone to talk to. The nights were worse than the days because I couldn't tell either apart. There was no sun, only temporary firelight that made everything the more difficult. The only thing I could take note of was when they would bring me my meals. The cot was even more uncomfortable than my makeshift bed at home and it was so cold that I started feeling hot, and I could only hope it wasn't fever.

I walked in circles around my cell, retracing the steps I had marked countless times before so I didn't forget how to use my legs, in case I ever needed to use them again. I couldn't occupy my mind, and that was the most terrifying thing of all. I didn't think I could trust myself not to go mad when I couldn't even do that in my former state. My hair was unkempt and my fingers were raw. My brain screamed at me to get out, but I couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't get out.