6 Degrees of Separation

What's gonna kill you is the second part...

I wake up.

"Joel, baby? Wake up."

I say, opening my eyes. But then it all hits me. Yesterday Joel broke up with me. He moved out. I look to see I'm lying on the sofa and Ryan is sitting, asleep still, in the armchair opposite me. I put my hands over my mouth and run out in to the garden. I start to bawl and moments later when Ryan comes running out, I start to scream and cry into his chest. He doesn't object, he just strokes my hair and lets me scream into his toned chest. Why does it seem to hurt more than it did yesterday?! Things couldn't get any worse but now it feels like my heart is in pieces. Ryan picks me up and carries me inside to my room, tucking me in under the covers.

"Babe, its gonna hurt, I'm not gonna lie to my best friend. But I'll be here for you. I'm gonna run to shops to pick up some shit, want anything? The usual?"

Ryan asks, putting a hand on my knee. I nod and sniff. He nods, smiles and heads out. I get my phone and diall Andy's number.

"Hello?"

"Andy, its Natalie."

"Oh...Hi, cuteness. Listen, I know what your going through right now and I just want you to know that me and Adam are here for you. Ryan obviously slept at yours last nig-"

In the background, I hear a deep english voice say,

"Yeah, probably riding him like a horse. You can't trust a bandslut..."

My eyes fill up and just as Andy starts to talk again, I jab the end call button and cry into my pillow. This pain is unbearable. I have no idea why he dumped me, if anything, I should have been the one dumping HIM! I'm beginning to understand why people self-harm now...to make the pain disappear. Without thinking, I grab a pencil sharpener and hack the blade from the plastic. Taking a deep breath, I place it on my hand gently. I'm not thinking straight...I can't do this...but it hurts so much...I'd do anything for the pain to go away...Joel hurt me...Just as I drag the blade across my hand, the door opens and then,

"NAT, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

The blade is snatched off me by Ryan and I burst into tears. Ryan pulls me into a strong hug but then grabs my hand. Ryan starts to cry as he looks at the big, bleeding gash.

"Why...why would you do that?"

He asks, sniffing. I whimper and shrug sadly. Ryan wipes his eyes, takes a deep breath and walks out of the room. He comes back with a big plaster and some bandaging. He cleans the cut and sorts me out. He kisses my wrapped up hand and smirks, handing me a sainsburys bag. I look in it. 2 bottles of Coke, A box of Ferrero Rocher's and a magazine (for me obviously). I thank Ry and he shows me the names on the bottles. I giggle weakly and he hands me the one that says 'Natalie'. He lays in the bed next to me whilst I begin to read 'heat'. Reading takes my mind off things, Ry knows this. But when I turn to the main gossip articles, my jaw drops.

'Who's in the splits this month then? Well, were having to say its the lovely Natalie Jackson and Joel Peat from Lawson who have broke up. 23 year old Joel was seen rushing from the house in an angry way. He had a large suitcase with him...and we're sorry to say that he was not going on holiday. Our suspicions were confirmed as Joel took to twitter last night, revealing to fans that he was single. 22 year old Natalie has not been seen outside the house but best friend Ryan Fletcher came to comfort her. Well, that's a cute relationship gone wrong..."

I begin to cry as I look at the pictures. Me and Joel at the MTV awards this year, one of Joel walking with his suitcase and one with Ryan entering my house. I start gasping. Ryan looks at me and he sees that I can't breathe properly. He rubs my back and I hand him the magazine. Within seconds, he's read it and is checking twitter. He sighs and reads out,

"Broken up with my girlfriend today guys. Don't go crazy . Xxx"

I sigh.

"It's for the best Ry. I'm just meant to be alone."