Somebody To Love (Niall Horan)

Chapter 39 - Advice

Niall's POV

There never was as much as a try. I didn't even try to help her. I found a phone and I gave up. I didn't have any words that would make her forgive me. No matter what I could tell her, there was no going back. She had been terrified about it and it suddenly became reality.

The only thing I could do was to give her space and not get seen with her again. It would all fade again and she would be forgotten and she would stop hating me. That was the plan. She had to hate me. She was probably burning pictures of me already or shooting darts at them. If I called her, I would have to hear her say how she hated me. Just knowing it was enough. Also, I couldn't hear her cry. I wasn't going to ever forgive myself if I heard her crying.

"You're going on in fifteen minutes, Niall." Lou said, when she found me outside of the arena. I sat on the ground, hidden behind a bus.

We weren't starting the tour yet but they saw an opportunity to get more attention with a small concert almost a month before tour began. A sneak peak - teaser if you'd like.

I nodded, moving the cigarette between my point and middle finger to between the middle and the ring finger.

She pretended not to be shocked by the sight but hid it quite awfully. "Put that down and come in with me."

I did as she said and placed the unlit cigarette beside me and stood up, walking past her to the chair where they wanted me to be before they wanted me to be on the stage and sing and smile before they wanted me in the car again.

"Doing metaphors now, are we?" She asked carefully as she went through my hair with a brush. I met her eyes in the mirror for a second and looked down again. My reflection wasn't a pretty sight and I'd rather not feel guilty about one more thing.

"Couldn't find a lighter." I answered.

"What do you think Helene would say about you smoking?"

I bit the inside of my cheek to prevent me from saying the first thing on my mind that was rather ugly.

"Helene's not our vocal coach any longer and no one's stopping the others." I said in monotone.

I didn't light the cigarette because I didn't like smoking. I did not like doing it myself and not anyone else doing it either. I found it by accident and acted on impulse, desperation and a need to get away. Outside, I knew it was a stupid idea that I wasn't going to go through with.

I was only talking back because I was upset, not because I actually wanted to fight for my right to destroy my lungs and everything my career was depending on.

The door opened and Harry walked in without opening it more than a few inches. He closed it quickly again and sat on the desk in front of me with his opened see-through-pattern-shirt.

I waited for him to speak because I didn't have anything to say to him. Especially not after I had found out they had hid those pictures from me for more than an entire day.

"You don't... Look that bad." He said and got me glaring at him- something I had never been very good at but managed now.

"Thank you." I answered dryly as Lou, ironically enough, got around to put makeup around my puffy and irritated eyes.

"How are you doing?" He asked quietly. "I told them we should tell you but you couldn't do anything about it anyway and you needed to focus on the interviews."