Desiree
2 months later
I watched Mani slide my plate of food across the table, along with a Pepsi. She leaned across the counter and kissed me before taking a seat in front of me and eating her food.
I wanted to talk to her about something, I don't know what she wants to do, but I know what I want. I'm not asking her, I'm telling her.
"Mani" I said,
"Wassup" she said, eating her food.
"I wanna have a baby," I said,
She looked at me before shaking her head, "Nah, I don't want kids," she said.
"Why not?" I asked,
"Because I don't Desiree, damn," she said,
"Tell me why" I said,
"Because, I don't want one," she said, "Get a fucking dog or something,"
"I don't want a dog, I want a baby," I said,
"Do you hear yourself? You want a baby, not me," she said,
"Mani I'm not asking you, I'm telling you I'm doing this," I said,
"No you're not," she said,
"Bet" I said,
"Desiree I'm serious, I don't want any fucking kids right now," she said,
"It's not your decision," I said,
"Why isn't it?" she said, "We're married, we have to make decisions together,"
"I'm making this one by my damn self," I said,
She rolled her eyes, "Do you know how much responsibility comes with a baby? We gotta feed it, take it for walks, wash it, all that shit," she said,
"You're saying that as if a baby is the same thing as a dog," I said,
"Basically it is, only it has 2 feet," she said.
"I don't know why you're scared to do this all of a sudden. You were down when it came to Zion," I said,
"We're not talking about Zion," she said, "We're talking about you and your stupid ass decisions,"
"Why are you acting like this?" I scoffed,
"Because now all of a sudden you got baby fever, what the fuck is going on?" she yelled,
"That's what happens when people get married Mani, they start families," I said,
"I need you to listen to me though, I don't want a fucking baby. I'd rather get a dog," she said,
I rolled my eyes and got up from my seat and headed towards the room but Mani grabbed my arm, forcing me to turn around.
"You're really gon do this?" Mani said, looking deep in my eyes,
"Yeah, I'm doing it with or without you," I said, snatching my arm from her grip and going into the room.
Armani
Dogs are coo, I can deal with dogs.. But ever since Zion died and I had those nightmares, I changed my mind on kids. I don't want to be around them nor do I want Desiree to have one.
I stood there, thinking about what she said.
I'm doing this with or without you
I didn't have my parents when I was growing up. I don't want it to grow up with one parent, I want to be there but it's gon be hard.
I feel guilty everyday because of what happened to Zion, how could I allow Desiree to have a child when I'm the reason Zion isn't here? I can't. I feel like I owe it to Zion.
I sat back down at the island before attempting to eat my food but I can't, she fucked up my appetite. She wants a baby, but I don't. We can't have a baby anyway, I don't want Zion to think I forgot about her.
Zion was just like me in so many ways, her mom was addicted to drugs, her dad died, she was alone. She was smart. I miss her laugh, her smile. Hearing her voice. The time she told me I had to smile even when I'm down.
I try, I really do.. But it's hard. I got my mind made up on this, I don't want a baby and if she thinks shes having one she's doing it by her damn self.
I wiped my eyes and got up from the counter before going into the living room and getting the unfinished blunt from out the ash tray then the bottle of vodka.
I took a swallow of the alcohol before taking a pull from the blunt, that's how my night went.
*
I held Zion close to me while I pointed at all the different kinds of stars in the dark sky. She smiled at me before jumping from my arms and sitting in the grass. She then looked at me and signaled for me to sit down.
I chuckled and sat down next to her, she laid her head on my shoulder.
"I love you Mani," she said, she leaned up and kissed my cheek before laying her head back on my shoulder.
"I love you too,"
"Mani, baby wake up," Desiree said, tapping my shoulder,
I knew my shirt was soaked with sweat when the cold breeze hit my chest. Desiree wiped tears I didn't know existed off my face before pulling me up from the couch. She took the bottle of vodka that was in my hands and set it down on the table.
She pulled me to our room and made me take my shirt off before laying down.
She laid next to me in her normal position; her leg around my waist and her head on my chest. She kissed my jawline twice before telling me she loved me and going to sleep.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her forehead before saying the words back and going to sleep.
