Armani
6 months later
The sunlight beamed down on my eyes causing me to wake up out of my sleep. I groaned and got up before going into the bathroom to take a shower.
After I completed my hygiene, I got dressed and was heading over to Desiree's. I've been there, making sure everything was smooth. Things ain't that good between us since I said that shit. She been real distance and every time I look at her she looks away or finds a reason to leave.
She doesn't like being around me and if I was her I wouldn't either. But that doesn't mean she has to leave everytime I come over. I know I shouldn't of said that shit, but I'm going through a lot. My life hasn't been the same since I lost Zion. I need to get over it, I know, but it's easier said than done.
I'll get over it eventually, I really don't have a choice. It's almost been a year and I still have nightmares about it. Maybe it's because Desiree's about to have the baby and I'm scared.
I'm scared I'm not gon be good at being a parent, both of my parents abandoned me and I would hate for that to happen to Sierre. Even though Desiree would never leave him, I know I probably would. I'm selfish, I know but it is what it is.
I don't know what's going on with me, I just know I need to get my shit together. But I'm not starting that until after Desiree has the baby. So, while I'm in the car, I figured why not smoke a blunt real quick.
After I finished smoking I got out the car and walked to the porch, I opened the door and there Desiree was, cleaning up.
I closed the door behind me, "Wassup" she looked at me, rolled her eyes and continued cleaning as if I wasn't even here. But today, I'm not about to leave. Imma stay here and put up with her not talking to me, it's my fault anyways.
"Why are you here?" she said, without looking at me.
"To make sure you and Sierre are coo,"
"Mani, we're fine. So can you go now?" she said,
"Nah," I responded,
"I don't know why you think shits coo between us when it's not. I don't want to see you right now," she barked,
"I know,"
"Then why do you keep showing up, after you told me you didn't want to be apart of this," she said,
"Because he's still my son and I have to make sure he's coo,"
"Nah, he's my son," she said, putting a emphasis on the word 'my'
"So what you trynna say is, I can't check on you or my son.. Not even when he gets here?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying,"
"That's bullshit Desiree, and you know it is,"
"You the one that completely disowned him, I don't see why you're trippin,"
"Man, whatever" I said, getting up.
"I hate you Mani," she said,
I wish I could say the same, but I love her. I love her with everything in me, I just don't show it.
"You don't want me to be in you or Sierre's life, fine. I'm done, I won't call or text. You can do this shit on your own right? So do it by yo damn self,"
"That's you're problem, you keep telling me you want to be here for both of us. Then you telling me you don't. Make up your fucking mind Mani, cause I certainly don't have time for all your bullshit,"
"K"
"Don't 'K' me nigga. You need to step up to the fucking plate before I find somebody else who will," she barked,
I turned around and looked at her like she was crazy. This bitch trippin.
"Don't play wimme,"
"I'm dead serious,"
I nodded, "Fine,"
Then she started crying, what the fuck? She was just yelling at me now she crying.
I slowly approached her and pulled me into her. She cried for a couple more seconds then she started hitting me.
"Chill out Desiree," I said, grabbing her hands.
"Why? Why did you wait until we got married, until I got pregnant to start acting different? Why did you pump my head up with all these emotions when you were going to leave in the long run? Why would you do that? Do you not care anymore? Am I not good enough for you anymore? Or are you in love with someone else?" she questioned.
I don't know what the fuck to say, so I said;
"I love you with everything in me, I'd die for you. Of course I care, it just doesn't seem like I do. You've always been good enough for me, sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you. And no, I'm not in love with anyone else.. Only you,"
"Don't say that"
"Say what?"
"That you love me when you're showing me otherwise," she said, "I never would've guessed you would turn out to be this way. You're such a selfish asshole now,"
"I'm sorry,"
"Stop apologizing to me when it's obvious you don't care,"
"I do care"
"It would be so appreciated if you would show it,"
I do care. Even when I try not to, I do. Just like when I tell her I'm leaving, I always come right back. Like I did now. I've been here every single day for 6 months making sure her and Sierre were okay. I came through on her birthday and stayed the whole day even though she wasn't talking to me. Even when we aren't on talking terms I still come through and talk to her. I love her, and I care about both her and Sierre. Why can't she see that?
"I've never left your side. I don't see why you can't appreciate that,"
