Little Horrors • 5sos

4.1

Calum takes the shot at the same time as I do. The stinging alcohol sliding down our throats at the same time. Chelsea lets out a little cheer and Owen pats Calum's back proudly. You would think that the death of one of our best friends would hurt us more. That just after the funeral we would all return home and cry ourselves to sleep. We didn't though, we though fuck it. Let's get drunk and remember her together. Perhaps getting absolutely fucked isn't the way to go and mourn but she would want it this way. Calum said, and he knew her more than anyone. He loved her so much.

"Okay," Calum burbs. "I need to piss," He says with a sigh, loosening the tie from around his neck. He stumbled up from his chair at our table, a dopey grin on his face. "By the time I'm back I want another round on this table," He says loudly bringing his bam down and shaking the array of shot, pint and wine glasses. "Don't let me down." He says, walking away through the dark and crowded bar to the bathroom.

Owen shakes his head and sighs. "He's not taking this well." He puts his arm around Chelsea and she leans into him.

"Not at all." Chelsea murmurs, head resting on her boyfriend's shoulder.

I stare at the two of them, a small frown on my face. "He's doing better than I thought." I shrug.

"Really Olivia?" Chelsea raises an eyebrow.

"I mean, yeah." I say unsurely. "Come on, his girlfriend just died, I haven't even seen him cry yet."

"That's what makes me think he isn't handling it." Owen explains. "He just stared at the coffin the whole funeral. You know her mom asked him to say something but he said no?" Owen says. "That's not normal. That's why her little brother had to speak."

"Poor kid." Chelsea sighs tiredly. I'm not sure if she meant Calum or her brother.

"Well..." I trail off. I didn't think Calum was exactly a mess right now. I thought if the person I was in love with killed themselves I would be a complete state. I would be crying, throwing things, acting out at every chance I could. Calum was just still old, normal Calum. Sure he was quieter in classes and wanted to go out much more now but he wasn't what I expected. "I'm just saying he's better than I thought." I couldn't be bothered with this conversation right now. I take the last sip of my drink and suddenly feel the hair on the back of my neck stand.

Have you ever felt as though someone was watching you? Because right now I felt that, big time. Eyes were trained on the back of my head and I couldn't just turn around and look. It didn't feel weird just not exactly comfortable. I shake off the feeling, not wanting Owen or Chelsea to know.

"He's just acting weird," Owen says. "In all these years at college together I've never seen Calum like this before," He carries on to explain. "All I'm saying is," His voice lowers. "If we didn't know it was suicide, I would just assume Calum."

"Owen!" I kick his leg under the table making him flinch. "You can't say that. Never say that to Calum."

"I wouldn't!" Owen glares at me. "I'm saying it to you." He says.

"Well I don't wanna hear it either." I huff out, wanting to leave.

"It's always the boyfriend." Chelsea murmurs quietly.

"Well," I fold my arms over my chest. "If you ever die I'll make sure to point fingers at Owen. Even if it is suicide."

I hated talking like this. Goosebumps were beginning to crawl up my arms at this conversation. I can't believe we were talking about this, I can't believe we even have to talk about this. No one even saw it coming, not even Calum. She was happy. We all thought she was happy. Why would she not tell us she was unhappy? We could have helped her. It wasn't right. She would never have killed herself.