Why? (Destiel Highschool/College/Coffee Shop AU)

Chapter 17

Dean's P.O.V. 

awkward is the only word i could use for this situation

well awkward and absolutely heartbreaking

but there's nothing i can do

i screwed it up

cas doesn't love me

and he never will now

i scared him away 

just like i do to everyone else

cas and i missed our highschool graduation 

they mailed the certificate and everything

i didn't mind

i don't think cas did either

i don't have a lot of friends at school

and it's not like i was in the condition of going 

sammy graduated to being a sophomore now

i'm so proud of him 

my dad is still on his business trip

i'm not mad though

i get it

you gotta do what you gotta do

i walk into the coffee shop seeing jo behind the counter

and no cas

i sigh in relief

i don't feel like having that horribly awkward conversation with cas again  

i know hes been avoiding me lately 

and it's starting to piss me off

he wanted this

he didn't want us to be together

he wanted us to be friends

and now we can't even talk to eachother?

if he wanted me out of his life he could have just said so

i'm tired of thinking about it

i just want this stupid situation to end

to either become friends with cas

or

continue this awkward situation 

i didn't want either of them

i love cas

i know that now

unless i'm just stupid and have no idea what i'm talking about

i'm not going to fight for cas

if he doesn't want me, then that's his choice 

not mine...

"hey dean, sorry, cas isn't here today" jo says pouring my cup of coffee

i look at her a little confused

"why, do you know?" i ask her

cas may not care about me

but i still care about him 

"no, he never called in, i just covered for him, assuming he slept in or something, it's happened to me a few times" jo says chuckling 

i chuckle a little, fidgeting with my hands under the table 

"the usual?" she asks

i shake my head "not today jo, i'm not that hungry" 

she frowns at me