Why? (Destiel Highschool/College/Coffee Shop AU)

Chapter 19

Castiel's P.O.V.  *1 Year later*

i know i never wanted this day to come 

but it's here

the day i go to college 

it was a place i knew i had to go

i wanted to be a doctor 

i wanted to heal people to help people

and i needed to go to college to do that

but i had a slight problem 

since i was with chuck now, we both didn't have a lot of money to go to a fancy college

but chuck says he knows a guy that works at a college upstate

he said that the guy could get me in for a  really good price

considering the original price was already pretty good

it's not fancy at all, but it will get me the degree's and stuff that i need 

i waited a while to go to college

because i wasn't...ok

after the whole thing happened with dean 

i shake my head trying not to think about it

i cried for an entire week 

i stayed in my room

i didn't eat 

didn't sleep 

i didn't do anything

chuck tried to help as much as he could

he feed me as much as i would eat

but  would always throw it up

my stomach always felt sick 

i couldn't eat, even if i wanted too

like a piece of me was ripped out of me

the only thing that stayed down was water

Jo was worried about me

but chuck explained everything to Ellen

without using dean's name

and Ellen was completely cool with it

she told me to take my time 

it was the worst week i ever had

it felt like i was completely alone

i thought i would never be able to love anyone again

but after that week 

i ran out of tears 

i ran out of excuses to tell Ellen about missing work

and plus i felt bad

they didn't ask for this from me

so i forced myself up out of my nest of tissues and sweaty blankets

and i went to work 

chuck was surprised seeing me awake 

but supported me nevertheless

i finally decided to stop crying over him after a month 

he obviously didn't want to talk to me

i sent him a thousand text messages and called him a hundred times

no answer

i guess that's it then...

Dean Winchester is really gone