In the Eye of a Hurricane- A Lams Fanfic

2

I head back out there, the loud room either concealing or magnifying my uncertainty about my situation. I just kinda sit down and stare kind of at Laurens and kind of just off into space over his right shoulder. I think about him. His adorable little freckles, his tiny frame, everything about him brings light into my life, a melody to my beat. The guys converse about this morning's attack, war stories, just catching up. Laf is the first one to notice I've withdrawn from the conversation.
"What girl're you lookin' at buddy?" Lafayette smirks. He's still drunk.
"Laf, leave 'em alone." Herc can tell I'm not looking at any girls. There aren't even any girls here. Laf of course doesn't notice. Laurens turns his head wildly, trying to locate who I am accused of looking at. I just shake my head.
"I'm not, uhh, looking at any girls." Great response Alexander. Way to emphasize girls. Way to let them know.
By no one knows. John forgets about the girl behind him. Laf had already forgotten what he said two words ahead of the one he's on. I tell them I gotta get a lot of sleep because I have a project to work on for Washington tomorrow. Hercules will take John home, since he's sober (for some reason$ and can take care of us all.

My dearest, Laurens-
Too confusing, start again
Nice to speak with you again, John.
I talk to him every day. This is just not even close to how it should go.
Laurens,
Good start. Nothing to fancy, too romantic, to informal.
I am hoping that one day you will find this letter in good health. I would like to inform you that it is you I'd like to-
Crumple, toss. Crumple, toss. Not right. Not formal enough. Not friendly enough. I can never get it right. I burn all the letters I've written him. There's no way he can find them this way. I watch the ashes float into the air and sink like my stomach every time I start another letter.