Tevun-Krus #28 - Theological SF

His Noodly Embrace - A Short Story by @krazydiamond

His Noodly Embrace

By Krazydiamond

Max rushed down the gray corridor, hiking his robes above a blindingly white pair of thin hairy legs that hadn't seen the light of day since his missionary work in Bermuda. A state of emergency was called early this morning, demanding attendance from ALL denominations currently present on the planet.

No exclusions.

It was his time to shine. Of course, being a half hour late, scurrying down the halls with a soggy piece of toast dangling between his lips was not the impression he hoped to make among this elite gathering of religious individuals. The freaking pope was here! Not to mention any number of priests, rabbis, imans, and other miscellaneous holy men, all brought together by the mysterious summons.

Technically, Max wasn't supposed to be here. He'd wasn't aware he was going to be here at all until roughly six this morning, when Gary, the current prophet rang him up on the phone.

"Hey, Maxie, I need you to cover for me, yeah?"

"Mpf?" Max spoke through his toast.

"Big hullabaloo at the Pentagon, all religious leaders the world, blah blah blah, you know how it goes. Think you can sit in and take notes?"

"Whpf Rpf Ypf Dopf?"

Gary appeared to have no problem translating toast. "What am I going to be doing? There's a game on, man. Last one before the play offs."

Max might have questioned the man's priorities, as he was supposedly a leader of their religious sect, but honestly, the move was notoriously Gary. He hated people in general and preferred the comfort of his recliner to dealing with the lot of them, a duty he left to Max.

Like a well trained assistant without the pay or respect.

Which brought Max to this point, sliding in his trackless shoes across the linoleum, behind the ancient Rabbi from the Synagogue on 54th street. He managed not to collide with the old man, puttering along at a pace that put snails to shame, taking care the scraps of his toast weren't ensnared by the rabbi's impressive hedge of snow white hair spilling out of his yarmulke . Skirting around him, Max made his way along the back of the room, looking for his station amid the sea of nameplate plaques.

He paused, squinting, swallowing the snarl that fought its way up his throat when he caught sight of his 'station'.

Someone must have made the poor coordinator aware of his attendance at the last second, if the hastily scrawled sharpie on scrap paper was any indication. As if that wasn't bad enough, they'd shoved him in the farthest corner of the room, the literal nosebleeds. He wouldn't be able to get a word into the proceedings, never mind straining to hear what was going on. Max sighed, slumping in his seat. The action caused the colander to slip over his eyes. He ignored the uncertain looks of the others as they filed in around him, and the occasional confused comment sent his way until the Speaker of the House finally emerged from the back room and urged everyone to be seated. Max leaned forward with mild interest as the smaller man's mustache fidgeted and jumped on his face.

"You must be wondering what I have called you all here today?" The Speaker cleared his throat, taking a nervous sip of water. "Holy men from every religious sect across the globe brought together for what purpose?" He licked his lips, clearly conflicted by what he had to say.

"We are in a unique situation at the moment. NASA is currently monitoring an entity orbiting the globe, tracking its movements. For all intents and purposes, it appears to be an extraterrestrial life form. At first, we believed the entity to be a ship carrying more but upon further inspection our readings indicate this massive entity is a singular creature, roughly as large as the state of Texas."