S P A Z Z I L Y E M B A R R A S I N G
Hey everyone, live4books1410 is back again with a new edition of Spazzily Embarrassing! Anyone missed me?
*crickets chirp again*
… Nobody likes me…
Well, that’s not gonna stop me! It took me a while to find this story… AND I WILL SHARE IT NO MATTER WHAT!
So, this is a little story of my little friend and her little trip to a little- literally, little- haunted house. She intended to go and freak the hell out of herself…
The catch? Her dad came along.
Oh yes, parents do have a marvelous way of making a scenario much less terrifying, don’t they? Like this…
Teenager: *watching horror movie* *screams when ghost grabs little girl*
Mom: Wow, the special effects in this movie are wonderful!
Teenager: -_-…
See? Happens often enough, doesn’t it?
Anyway, onto the show!
The Un-Haunted House
It was the night before Halloween. The winds were blowing. The shutters were rattling. Something was rustling in the bushes… Could it be...?
No, it was just that little kid who tripped over his costume…
The school grounds were milling with kids dressed up in their Halloween costumes, excited about the Halloween celebrations going on. My friend- here we shall refer to her as… well, I can’t think of any good codenames, so she will be She. She was heading towards the entrance of her school’s lame creepy haunted house…
Along with her dad, who wasn’t as happy as she was to be there. No, he would have been much happier to be at home, sitting and watching the basketball match on TV, occasionally getting up to grab some candy from the bowl on the fridge. But Her mom decided that she had gone enough times- seven and counting- so Her dad got chased out of the house. So, it’s obvious that school haunted houses won’t be as great as normal ones. This one was probably just hitting the mark of being five miles behind the world’s least scary haunted house, ranking somewhere between witches on broomsticks and tablecloth ghosts in terms of scariness. Still, She was determined to enjoy herself by getting as scared as she could in such a non-scary environment. Her dad, on the other hand, just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. And so their haunted house journey began…
It was all completely dark in the single-roomed haunted house (so it’s a haunted room then, isn’t it?) Bone-chillingly, eerily silent…
And suddenly, something loomed out at them!
“Aargh!” She screamed.
“Look out, don’t run into him,” Her dad said calmly. She glared at him. “What?” he exclaimed. She groaned, and they moved on.
That happened again. And again. And again.
Something reached out to grab her foot!
“Look out, don’t step on that guy’s hand.”
A huge axe swung down right in front of them!
“Yikes, I think it broke off the wall. They probably didn’t fix it tight enough.”
A vampire jumped out at them!
“Oh hello, Mrs. Jones. How is my daughter doing at school?”
And so on, till the poor girl was ready to rip out her hair- and her dad’s.
“Come on, let’s get out of here,” her dad said. His mind, of course, was blissfully free of any vexing thoughts. The Lakers were playing, and he knew that the faster they got out, the faster they could go home.
“Fine,” She grumbled. As if she was getting any fun out of it at all…
Then they came to the final scare…
Just as they were approaching the last turn of the exit, two people sprung out at them!
One was wielding a huge chainsaw!
The other wasn’t even a person- it was a spiked monster!
“Aargh!” She screamed as the spiked monster came towards her, wielding his- well, spikes.
“Excuse me, where’s the exit?” Her dad asked.
“Um, that way, sir,” he mumbled, confused. The last few people had run away screaming- where the heck did this guy come from?!
He pointed towards the exit. Unfortunately, his spikes had a mind of their own, and they pointed the other way- towards the behind-the-scenes area, an obviously no-entry zone. Her dad wasn’t aware of this, and he happily strolled into the forbidden realm.
“Um, sir? Excuse me, you’re not allowed to go that way! Please come back here- excuse me! Sir!”
“Dad!” She groaned, facepalming herself.
“What? I’m just leaving…”
“Sir, the exit’s that way!” The chainsaw guy finally spoke up, pointing the right way with his chainsaw- and nearly hitting Her in the process.
“Oh. Well, why didn’t you say so?”
Her dad started strolling out. She followed grumpily. “Should’ve come by myself…”
“What was that?”
“Nothing!”
So, on this cold night, the night before Halloween, two people got into their warm, heated car and drove away from the haunted house that was five miles behind the world’s least scary haunted house. One was contented, the other one… not so much.
“Well, at least one good thing came out of this…”
“What?” She couldn’t really see anything good in the scenario.
“I already talked to Mrs. Jones. Now I don’t have to go to the PTA!”
She groaned for about the fiftieth time that night. “Dad, damn you!”
And let this be a lesson to all you people reading this. If your dad ever volunteers to take you to the haunted house…
You must very kindly and carefully…
Lose him in a crowd and go on your own. But make sure you have your cellphone with you! After all, you don’t want to lose your ride home!
YOU ARE READING
Spazzy Magazine September 2013
RandomVOLUME 1, ISSUE 4, SEPTEMBER - FRIDAY THE 13th Special Enjoyed our three issues, eh? Well, welcome to the fourth one because Spazzy Magazine is going SUPERSTITIOUS and SPOOKY! Watch out for different kinds of creepy awesomeness throughout the issue...
