The Marvelous Misadventures of a Yung Annoyed Hoe

Boys boys boys

So I'm in a constant state of horniness (and self hatred but that's besides the point), like I'll be mad, and horny, sleepy and horny, stressed as fuck, and horny, HORNY AND HORNY,
U GET THE PICTURE.
Anyways, I've been trying to become more comfortable with my sexual desires and kinks and idk but a lot of my friends think I'm really confident when it comes to talking about sex and things I like but it's like um hunty you have no idea how terrified I am to talk about my strong daddy kink, or fascination with the intimacy that comes with oral bye
Like i'll joke around a lot like if my friends and I see a really hot guy, I'll be like "um daddyyy,"
but I find it very rare that I can have real conversations with my friends about sex/masturbation/desires etc. ??? I have like one friend that I'm comfortable talking to about that stuff but idk we're in a weird place rn where she'll mention some explicit shit like "yo Elissia u need to delete ur voice messages bc what if I say something like 'I really wanna eat you out rn'" and instead of saying lol u mess, I'm like "ok pls do" iDK WE DATED AND BROKE UP AH FEELINGS.
Anywaysssss I was going to write this about how I need to simmer down, but I'm kind of getting off topic. Basically I'm a really sexual person by nature and I love indulging in things like just being able to appreciate cute guys, and beauty, and affection and there are these two guys in my school that I'm feeling vvvvv hard rn. Like of fucking course I take an interest in another senior, but idk he's tall and funny oh my god he's so funny and he's like a smol string bean weight wise dude the guys in my school just refuse to eat I swear to god, and I used to sleep on him like he just wasn't on my radar at alllll but now I really want to kiss his face and make him nervous and give him hickeys bYE.
And like I asked this girl I know who's really close to him, what his deal is, like is he dating someone or???? And she said, and I fucking quote "oh he doesn't do relationships"
Um
Clarify pls
And she was like "yeah he's so hot ikr, but yeah I've talked to him about it before and he doesn't really like relationships,"
THATS LITERALLY ALL SHE SAID AND IM CONFUSED LIKE UM DOES THAT MEAN HE JUST LIKES TO FUCK AROUND OR IS HE AROMANTIC OR
And she thought I was red to date him so I was like "um incorrect, so like um wtf does that mean he does he hookup with people?" And she said no, so now I'm confused like boi let my know how you get down so I can adequately broadcast my feelings. Quench the fiery flame in my pants!1!1!1!1!1 ew that was gross but it just popped into my head and I had to drop that jewel. bUT with the other guy I'm into, it's strictly like a physical sense, because I don't know shit about his personality but I think he's so fucking fine oh my god fuck me up pls. And I'm pretty sure I just found the plug today like I was talking to this guy I know after school, and I was like "um dude wtf I saw you talking to my actual husband today" and we started taking about him and omfg I jokingly said hook me up fam and he was like aii I gotchu.
BOIIIIIIII
but then he was like lol but aren't ur parents crazy like didn't they ruin your last lil relationship and while that's so painfully true, I refused to let that fuck up me getting some dick in the future so of course I was like lol no. But yeah I'm hella hype because the last time I was dicked down was like four months ago!!1!1!1

aND THERES ANOTHER GUY BUT HE DOESNT COUNT BC IM LITERALLY IN LOVE WITH HIM AND HAVE BEEN FOR A YEAR BUT HE'S SO OUT OF MY LEAGUE I DONT EVEN CONSIDER IM A CRUSH LIKE I'D ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING FOR HIM IT'S SO BAD but yeah. Idk I used to think it was sus when people had all these guys/girls they were into at the same time, but it's like why not??? I'm only gonna be in high school  once, now's the time to have a bunch of stupid crushes, and make bad decisions and kiss stupid boys, but also kiss really nice ones, and live, and learn and lust after. I just feel like I can do it, so why not? I take myself wayyyy too seriously and I just want to indulge Fam like give me all the cute ppl of the world I want to cuddle them and kiss them
This is hella incoherent and I'm treating this book like a pathetic diary which is gross but I had to get these vvvvv strong feelings out bc I feel like I bottle things up forever wow ok peace