STORIES TOLD, STORIES LIVED

Chapter 17

ARINA'S P.O.V

One real party last night. We're barely alive. The guys were sharing the same rhythm of snore. That last show was the biggest one I've ever seen.

Today, I was feeling gloomy. Desperate. Sad. It's time for me to really pack my stuff. From journal to toothbrush. Every piece of my existence that's soon going to be forgotten.

James slipped an envelope with my flight ticket in it; this afternoon. I felt like he's going to explain that today, about why I should leave too soon - but I guess it wouldn't make any difference anyways.

This morning I decided to shower earlier, then made a coffee for myself. There James was watching the road with Lonnie at the front seat.

"Morning, sweet people!" I brought the two of them some coffee too, just being nice.

"Hey!" James looked stiff.

"Hey. And oh, please don't say anything." I wrapped his shoulders. "It's been a blast spending my time with the best team. I know I have to go home. School can't wait forever."

"Arina..." Lonnie looked at me in the eye.

"Gonna miss you, Lonnie." I hugged him tightly from behind. "This chair is mine. You got it?"

"I have named it 'Arina's chair' since first time you wrote your journal with me. And it stays forever." This kind-hearted man shed a tear.

"It's because... They should go home. They always do. We always come back to Florida after every tour because it's part of the band's contract. Family time is something they deserve the most after each big tour like this." James slowly

"Very well understood, Jamie." I hugged him too. "Thank you for being my daddy on the road."

"And does it make Anthony the mother?" Lonnie laughed loud.

"Don't tell him or I'll get killed." I joined the giggles.

I shared the 'Arina's chair' with James and we all stared straight off to the distance. Somewhere, somehow, I found Riley's face. His laugh. His free self last night. His jokes. His messy hair and smell like sweet candle that I loved the most. The bunk curtain game. His eyes.

This breath that I took, each time, burned my throat.

"Hey boys? Wake up. Lunch time."

James knocked on the table in the bus' kitchen area. He always did the knocking thing to wake us.

"Okay." Connor murmured from his bunk.

"Good morning people!" Toby opened his curtain.

Lonnie and I shared chuckles. "That young man doesn't actually, you know, except growing taller each day."

"Exactly." I smirked.

"Hey, where is Arina?" I heard Connor's voice from behind me, followed by the smell of coffee from his signature cup. His morning routine.

"Here!" I raised my hand.

"Oh! Dang, I thought you're gone." He replied again.

"Actually..." James' voice, he sounded nervous. "Is Riley in the bathroom?"

"No, over here." I saw Riley climbing out of his bunk.

"Alright. Now everybody's here... Guys, we're going home. Today." James sat on the lounge couch with Anthony.

Here we go. Both of them nervously cleared their throats and stared at me. I knew it. The guys didn't know that I would be leaving this afternoon. Then I glanced at Riley. He was barely alive - well he's still beautiful anyway - and looking confused.

"Awesome! I miss mom and dad." Toby excitedly giggled.

Maybe, just maybe - and I didn't blame him for that - Toby didn't realize that by going home, James and Anthony meant that I should also go home.

Connor came up to me to give a hug. It was the longest and biggest hug he's ever given to me since we met. I took a deep breath. C'mon, I wasn't planning on being weak in front of them. The bus was in dead silence. Lonnie kept driving to the nearest restaurant we could reach, but honestly, we're heading to the airport.

I hated crying, but when you couldn't bear with the feelings anymore, you cried. I burst out cried in Connor's arms. And he's just not letting me go; Connor comforted me. He whispered good stuff like we've been doing great job as a team, that they wouldn't be able to do such a big tour without me, he's grateful for my presence, and everything.

Those words were helpful; for the first ten seconds.

"We're visiting Malaysia. That's a promise. And I never break mine." Connor wrapped me in his arm.

"That's... Hahaha funny that I'm crying, huh." I chuckled to everyone, but really, no one was laughing at my sad joke.

"I thought you're coming with us. I'm so sorry Arina. Please just come." Toby exchanged position with Connor and I hugged him tightly. "...Yeah I mean, who's gonna make me some french toasts when I'm hungry?"

"You're a pain." I slapped his arm.

Toby smiled. So dearly. He's a big, tall, little brother. I wanted to pack him and bring him home.

"Make your own toast." I smirked. "I'm gonna miss you, big Tobs."

"Don't go." He tried to sound okay but his voice's cracked, just like mine.

"School can't wait forever. I'm still on a mission of being a teacher. Remember?"

I messed with his hair. Toby used to pout at me for ruining his super on-point masterpiece. But not today. Even Toby the happiest person on earth was sad today; so I hope you can imagine my feeling.

The tour crew were all giving me a long farewell hug. Some of them would have something else to do in LA so perhaps they wouldn't come along with us to the airport. They're so kind, every single one of them. Even one of Anthony's merch girls, Avery, gave me an identical necklace as she was wearing, that she bought from Nashville the other day.

The crying and hugging session was over. I sat back with Lonnie. I didn't want to see Riley's face at this point; he would just make everything's harder. I needed to be strong. I should tell myself that once, few months ago, I was nobody to these people. We never met before. Therefore, I was planning to forget that I was a part of this team. Let's pretend that this didn't happen. To go home with shattered heart would be the last thing I wanted to do, though it's too late.