Until I Find You Again // Book One

Chapter 4

I walked through Simon's house, ignoring those who called out for me as I tried desperately to find the front door. I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I got there, but I'm sure it would include running as far from the house as I could get. I felt someone's hand on my shoulder and I shook my head as I continued to walk.

"Em...slow down...." I heard Liam's concerned voice in my ear.

I shook my head harder, "I need to....please, Liam."

He held me back, which took little effort from him considering I was so drunk a strong wind would've knocked me over. I turned to face him, refusing to cry.

Getting rejected by a boy was par for the course with me. My first and only sexual encounter was with one of Niall's soccer buddies who felt me up for 10 minutes. We were both virgins so it was as awkward and unromantic as it could possibly get. He didn't know what he was doing and I didn't either. I never orgasmed. After a few movements inside of me, he pulled out and came against my leg. It took forever for my mother to get the stain out of my jeans. To this day she freaks out whenever I'm eating yogurt after I explained to her that I'd accidentally dropped some in my lap at Niall's house.

The boy never spoke to me again. Avoided me at all costs actually. He had a girlfriend now that he's been with for two years. I sometimes found myself watching her and wondering if he still had the same issues and if she minded.

Zayn pulling away from me should not have affected me this much. Liam pulled me over and out of the way of some people walking by, "Em, what happened?"

I shook my head, "N-nothing. Have you seen Niall?"

Liam looked around and shook his head, "Not recently."

I felt an arm slide around my shoulders and I looked up into Harry's face. He was clearly as drunk, if not more drunk, than I was, "This party great or what?"

I rolled my eyes and shrugged away from him, "Get off me."

He barely seemed to notice, "Anyone seen Zayn?"

My reaction to Harry's question told Liam exactly what he needed to know. He studied me for a few moments and then shook his head. Harry must have seen someone he knew because the next thing I knew he called out to them and walked, or should I say stumbled, away. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Liam stepped closer to me, "Something happen with Zayn?"

I shook my head, "I just....I need Niall."

Liam tried to lean forward and give me a hug but I pushed him back slightly and turned to walk away. I heard him call out for me but I kept walking. I wanted to get the hell out of that house. With or without Niall.

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"What's wrong? Ya sounded upset on t'phone?" Niall said as he came through my front door. It was almost 2 a.m. but I didn't care. Harry's confrontation had scared the hell out of me. I put Lucy to bed and tried to pace off the anxiety but it wasn't working.

What was I going to do? It was all coming crashing down around me. Everything I'd been so careful to keep a secret was going to come out and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It was spinning out of control.

By the time Niall got to my house I was almost in a full blown panic attack. My sweats were hanging off me, my entire face was splotched with red marks. The minute he saw me he closed the door and pulled me over to the couch. He pushed my hair off my face,