Sing Me To Sleep

Chapter 3

Bright lights dance around me, illuminating the vast empty space that surrounds me. I try to focus on just one orb, but they're all so brilliant. Red and blue and yellow spheres, spinning and flying, making my body feel almost weightless. Gradually, each orb evaporates, dissolving into the encompassing darkness. A ball of worry knots in my stomach, fear settling in as I realize what's happening. The lights disappear one by one, their radiance fading until only the shadows remain. 

I open my mouth and my scream shatters the silence in my mind, but nothing else happens. I expect something climactic to occur, someone to jump out and drag me away or to begin coughing up blood and fall to my knees, but no such thing takes effect. When my screams finally cease, I'm left with nothing but the silence that engulfs me. 

I feel terror welling up inside me, threatening to bubble over, another scream building in the back of my throat. I don't know where I am and I don't know how I got here. I don't remember anything after waking up this morning. I rack my brain for anything more, but nothing comes to me. And then, slowly, lights seem to flicker on above me, vivid and blinding.

I'm standing in an vacant hallway, long and narrow. The walls are a plain gray color, almost radiating under the fluorescent glow. The tiled floor stretches out beneath my feet, like a yellow brick road that I'm supposed to follow. But I stay put for a long moment, too scared to move. Abandoned gurneys and wheelchairs scatter the corridor and a few dripping IV bags hang from mobile stands, feeding medicine to a non-existent host. 

I take a hesitant step forward. Just as I do, a gaunt figure emerges from a doorway on the right side of the hallway a few yards ahead of me. I freeze. It's a boy, this much is obvious. Short white hair contrasts with his black uniformed body. His apparel, a black marching band jacket with various white adornments across the chest and sleeves, reminds me vaguely of a parade I watched when I was younger. His face is unidentifiable under the black and white paint depicting a skeletal face across his sharp features. His brilliant green eyes meet my own and he smirks, winking at me, before disappearing through a doorway across the hall. 

"Wait!" I call, finally finding my voice and pushing myself forward after him. I race past the gurneys and other hospital-affiliated objects and reach the right room, throwing the door open and chasing in after him though I have no idea what lies on the other side. 

I stop as soon as I'm through the doorway, frozen in place yet again. Instead of finding a hospital room like I had assumed I would, I am faced with a field. A beaming sun shines down on me and a grass covered field, out-skirted with trees. Nothing else. No skeleton-faced boy. Nothing. 

I think that maybe I chose the wrong door and turn back around only to find the door that I had just come through was nowhere to be found. Behind me lay nothing more than a continuation of the field before me. I spin around again.

The sun feels too hot on my back, burning my skin as panic overtakes my mind. What the hell is going on? But just as the thought of the uncomfortable sun enters my mind, the light seems to fade. Not just setting into dusk, but disappearing completely, allowing darkness to swallow me again. 

I reach a hand out before me, hoping to feel the grainy bark of a tree or something, but instead all I grasp is dead air. 

Wait a second... dead. It all comes back to me in a nauseating rush. I tried to kill myself. I remember going to school and taking the pills that I hoped would end my life. But then where was I now? Was this Heaven? Hell? Somewhere in between?

I try to force myself to calm down, but the knot in my stomach is still there, growing every second until it's suddenly overwhelming me with pain. I clutch my stomach, doubling over and dropping to my knees. I can't see anything in the dark but in the distance, I hear something. At first, it's nothing more than whispers of wind through the trees, but after a moment I can make out different voices. 

"...overdose," I hear a man's voice say. "We had to pump his stomach to retrieve the medication, but he should be fine."

"Thank God." This is the voice of a woman. I can't place it right away, but it sounds familiar.

"Mrs. Iero," The first voice says and then it occurs to me. The woman. It was my mother. "Your son tried to end his own life. We even found self harm wounds on his body." There's a pause. Why are they talking about me like I wasn't even here? I'm right here! "He's in and out of consciousness right now," Oh. So I'm unconscious? That's kind of cool... "But we want your permission to induce a coma."

"What?" My mother exclaims. "Why?!"

"Frank tried to kill himself," The man says again, and I'm beginning to realize this is probably a doctor. "It's not permanent. Just a temporary induced comatose state to prevent him from further injuring himself."

Great, I realize. Not only am I not dead, but they're going to try to stop me from attempting suicide again.

There's a silence and for a moment, I think that the voices have faded off, just as they appeared, but after a pause, I imagine my mother nodding her head in approval because I hear the doctor say, "Great. I'll have the nurses prepare the thiopental right away."

The voices do fade away this time and I'm left in the darkness, terrified and disappointed. Why did they want to save me? I wasn't worth it. I just needed it to be over. Just as the thought entered my head, I heard another voice, this one much closer.

"You scared me, Frank," The male voice says. It sounds faintly familiar, but I can't place it. "I thought you were really gone." There's a pressure on my hand and I wiggle it a little, thinking it may be a spider or something equally as horrifying. After a second, I realize it's not me that's feeling that at all. It's my body. Someone is holding my hand.