Sing Me To Sleep

Chapter 33 (The End...)

"Do you believe in fate?" I play with Gerard's fingers absently, sliding my own along them before resting my palm against his and squeezing. In the passing three weeks since the incident at the bridge, we haven't done much else than this. I don't think this feeling will ever go away; The butterflies in my stomach when he looks at me, the serenity that washes over me when he sings, the electrifying shock when his skin touches mine. It's indescribable-- Warm and fuzzy, but hot and demanding at the same time. Cool and relaxing, but freezing and nerve racking. I can only imagine what sparks will fly when he decides to kiss me; Hesitation has hindered our relationship from going that far, as Gerard is still weary to get too close. Which is why I haven't told him yet that I think I lo--

Gerard shrugs, interrupting my train of thought, his body moving mine with the gesture. His back is against the wall, his legs open to allow room for me to sit between them, facing away from him and resting my head on his chest. "No," He replies, finally. "I don't like the thought of not being able to decide my own future." He sighs and buries his head in my hair. I imagine him closing his eyes, breathing in the scent of me. "I think it's easier this way," He mumbles. "I can't believe that Mikey killed himself because it was his destiny or something. They told me he was in a better place now, but it's all shit. He was supposed to grow up." Gerard laughs once without humor and I can feel his body tensing under mine. I stroke my hands over his, willing him to relax. It takes a moment, but slowly he melts back, wrapping both of his arms around my waist. "We were gonna start a band," He continues, his voice nostalgic and distant. "Travel the world. If it was his fate to kill himself, then the universe can go fuck itself because I'm not buying it."

We fall into silence once more and I bite down on my lip before Gerard nudges me. "Why do you ask?"

I shrug, trying to put it off as nothing, but Gerard can tell I've put some thought into this and straightens up. This, in turn, causes me to shift. He leans down, catching my eyes and raising a brow. I sigh and look down at the sheets beneath us before daring to meet his gaze again. "I don't know," I sigh. "I just... With everything that's happened, it's hard not to believe at least a little." Gerard remains quiet and I rush on, feeling the need to explain myself. "I tried to kill myself," I say bluntly. "Twice. And yet somehow, both times I failed. I killed my own dad and my mom pushed me away before committing suicide. If that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be here right now. So is that just some weird luck or is there really some higher power that's deciding what our fate is before we even have it planned ourselves?"

Gerard is quiet for a long time, thinking it over as he watches the blanket. Eventually, he shakes his head. "I don't know," He admits, finally raising his eyes to level them with mine. "But I know that I wouldn't change anything because every single thing that happened landed both of us right here." The pad of his thumb grazes over my knuckles and he laughs. "So maybe it was luck or maybe it was fate, but I don't really care. All that matters is right now." He takes a deep breath and lets it out, averting his gaze and biting down on his lip. "After Mikey died, I felt like part of me was dead, too. He was my little brother, he was my best friend, and suddenly he was just gone." His eyebrows crease together, his voice staring to shake. "Seeing him like that, it was like my lungs just collapsed. I couldn't breathe. It felt like I was dying." Gerard shrugs. "That was the first time I drew Mother War. She was my way of coping with everything. She was the mother I never had. She was the only thing I had and she made me feel like I could breathe again." 

It made so much sense. The gas mask, the torn Victorian era gown; Mother War was everything that Gerard needed at the time. She was elegant and beautiful, sturdy but obviously gone through some tough times, and yet she was still strong. She was his anchor.

I look up and realize that Gerard is watching me again. "I don't really draw her much anymore," He tells me softly and my brows crease slightly.

"Why?"

"Because," He says, smiling a little. "I don't need to. I can breathe without her now." His arms tighten around my waist and he plants a soft kiss to my temple. "I have something better. I have you."

I search his hazel eyes, seeing once again the vibrant glint of gold, brown, and green. I don't think, I can't, because I know that what I'm about to do could get me shoved off the bed and another book thrown at me. But I lean in, capturing his pink lips with mine. It feels like heat rolling through my veins, sparks of electricity being pulled with the current, and the shock makes me pull back an inch. "I think I love you, Gerard."

Gerard just grins down at me, making my heart skip a beat. "Good," He says. Well that wasn't exactly the response I was hoping for...

But before I have the chance to even be disappointed, his lips are back on mine, mumbling the words directly against my skin. "Because I think I love you, too."

The End.