Part 1

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Growing up this way was never something I wanted or could have wished for. I couldn't wish this life upon my greatest enemy. The constant pain, misery, and fear. It is a life I do not want to live anymore, especially after receiving the news I am hearing now.

"he's dead."

Those words burned like dry ice as it touched my ears. The Icey cold melting and sticking to my skin, just to be ripped off after a punctuation mark. The man I loved was killed in action and it was all because of BTS. The group Ben went with were the strongest men we had on with us. They were perfectly trained for this small mission. When I think about it the mission was just a "watch and report" situation. Maybe something went down and Ben was the only one who stayed behind to protect the others........It's something he would have done.

"I want to go on the next mission." I say slapping my hands against my father's desk. My father was the head of this gang and he was widely known as just a 'business man' but he was far from that. He was a cruel leader and a terrible father.

His eyes snapped from off his papers and onto me. His black pupils dilating to the light that was above me. "No." he said simply and lowering his head again.

"you can't tell me no, there my sub group anyway." I scoffed standing erect and walking towards the door. "I shouldn't have even asked." I say as my hand wraps around the cold metal.

"You are to not leave this property!" he yelled making me freeze. My hand lowered from the door knob and I swallowed hard regretting my words. "I understand you and Ben had a connection." He said softly causing me to turn around. His eyes widened to the small tears that streamed down my cheeks. "oh god don't cry. I didn't raise you to-."

"You didn't raise me at all!" I screamed causing him the move back in his chair from the outburst. My fist stayed clenched at my side as pictures of Ben flew by in my mind. His soft smile and energizing laugh. "Ben raised me along with the others...." I said softly ripping my nails from my palms knowing there would be marks later. "Ben comforted me, taught me......loved me."

"that's enough..."

"no it's not enough!" I screamed. "you never raised me Johnathan!" I yelled slamming my hands on his desk and using his real name. His eyes bore into me and I could honestly not give a fuck to the punishment I would receive. "ever since mom-."

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