Killing Me Softly (#Wattys2016)

FIVE

FIVE

Sondra stood in front of the bakery window, captivated by the display of enormous yellow cupcakes obscured beneath fluffy white frosting, rainbow sprinkles nestled in the crevices. Sondra stubbed out her cigarette, went into the bakery and bought one of the cupcakes along with a cup of coffee.

They even gave her a candle.

She found an empty table along the back wall and gingerly set the cupcake down in front of her, swirling her finger along the edge, catching a glob of frosting on the tip. She licked it and groaned, savoring the gritty sweetness. She lit the candle and closed her eyes for a moment before blowing it out. Sighing, she leaned back in her chair, watching passersby outside as she ran a hand through her wavy black hair.

About a year and a half had passed since Tracy's brutal death and today was her sister's birthday. Sondra continued to pick at the cupcake and after eating barely half of it, tossed it and her empty coffee cup into the trash. As she headed back to her hotel, she fumbled around the bottom of her large bag for her cigarettes. Locating them, she rapped the box in the palm of her hand, making several definitive thwack, thwack, thwacks. As she went to light up, her phone jangled from somewhere in her bag.

"Damn," she muttered when she saw who it was and dropped the cigarettes back in her bag. Sondra knew even through the phone, Mimi would be able to tell she was puffing away.

"Hi, Mommy."

"I'm sorry I missed you earlier. I was coming back from Sacramento. You're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good," Sondra said as she navigated the throngs of people on Broadway. "I'm on my way back from the doctor now. He ran every test known to man, and he expects I'll have a clean bill of health."

"Well, you know I worry. I just don't want..."

Sondra looked up to see the Times Square Jumbotron telling her to watch ABC Thursday nights at nine, and mentally completed her mother's unspoken words.

I just don't want to lose another daughter.

"Mommy, I promise, I'm fine. I would tell you if I weren't."

From California, Sondra swore she could hear her mother close her eyes and send a silent thank you to God.

"I know; I'm just overreacting..." Mimi's faint German accent halted a bit before trailing off. There was a quiet moment between mother and daughter.

"I stopped at a bakery a few minutes ago and had a cupcake. You know the yellow ones with all the frosting? They even gave me a candle."

Sondra could hear Mimi sniffle. "She always loved white frosting on her cupcakes. She never wanted anything on her birthday but yellow cupcakes with white frosting, even when she was little."

"I still can't believe she's gone."

"She would have been thirty-five. So young."

"I know, Mommy."

"I catch myself thinking about her at the strangest times. Like yesterday, I was getting in the car and was remembering when I was teaching her how to drive. I sat in the driveway crying for twenty minutes."

"I know, Mommy. It's hard."

"Then Mrs. Pinkus came over knocking on the window, yammering on about her dog being hit by a car last year. Like you can compare the two."

"In her mind, you can."

"Sonny, I don't think it'll ever stop hurting."

Sondra shook her head, tears now welling in her eyes. "I know," she said. "I know."

"I sent a box of her things over to your apartment. Mindy said she would keep it for you until you got back. I thought you would want them. I just... I tried to go through it, but... I just couldn't..."

"Yeah, Mindy told me. I won't be back in the apartment for a few weeks, so I'll go through everything... at some point." She paused. "How's Daddy?"

"He's good, good. Working on a new book, so he's down in L.A. for a few days doing some research."

"Oh yeah? What's this one about?"

"He mumbled something about the movies. You know how he gets when he's in the zone."

Sondra chuckled and wiped the back of her hand across her nose. "That I do."

"Oh, oh, speaking of, that's daddy on the other line. I've got to go."

"Tell him I said hey."

"Okay, sweetie." Mimi paused. "I'm so glad you're home. Safe and sound."

Sondra closed her eyes and sighed at the sadness in her mother's voice. "I know. Bye, Mommy."

Sondra hung up and continued down Broadway towards The W where she was staying for a few weeks. She retrieved her cigarettes once more and lit up, sighing with satisfaction as the nicotine flooded through her. As Sondra took drags off her cigarette, she found herself lost in thoughts about Tracy.

It was a warm April day in Manhattan, but the image of her sister lying alone and bloody beneath the blowing and drifting snow of a vicious Chicago winter made Sondra shiver, just as she had that day in India when her mother had called to tell her Tracy was missing. She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, much to the ire of New Yorkers trying to steer around her. Sondra trembled again and wrapped her arms around her waist.

Her cigarette had burned down to a nub and she jumped as the ash stung her finger. She dropped the cigarette on the sidewalk and resumed walking, Tracy's face spinning in her head.