THE WRITER

V: Cause and Effect

"If I were to love without having to think about the consequences, would it hurt just the same if I had known?"

-Fate, Allie Santos

I feel it, in the tips of my fingers. His soft face in my palm and there is nothing more that I can wish than to be there. Let time freeze until I forget who he is and how he found me. Forget about the absurdity of things and just let it be. He is here. That's all that matters.

I was afraid things will not turn out the way I wanted but then again things are only unraveling. And what better way to find out how it will end than to see it through. With him.

One thing that amazes me when I was still in school is the relationship between the cause and the effect. It was all too simple back then, you don't drink milk at night the effect is you never grow. You don't eat right and you get sick. But as I grow older, things become more complicated and I cannot simply tell what the effects of the things I've done are.

I had created him in my head, wrote it carefully not wanting to leave anything behind. At first I wanted him to be perfect, but then I wanted him to be real. With his imperfections I created someone who can match up with me—someone who can complete my being.

"Are you satisfied with who you are?" I ask, trying to get some hints that maybe I can alter things about him to better define who he wants to be.

"Who I am is not about what you've written. But then again, maybe at least fifty percent of me is what you write about me," he says smiling. The other fifty percent of who he is came from a different time, he added. That fifty percent is what makes him real.

"So that's what makes you real?" I ask nevertheless, I want something to hold on to. Something that can tell me a part of him is not just a figment of my imagination.

He nods.

῀

It has been a long time since I visited Donna, so long I forgot how peaceful it is at her place. I had given myself time to think about it, to let her know about what's happening. I am not quite sure if she will believe, and I'm not that sure either if I wanted her to.

Donna once believed in fairytales. We were sixteen when she finally gave up the idea that someday a prince in a horse will save her. I told her things like that will never come true.

"But why wouldn't it come true? Love is the closest thing we had to magic." It was dark when she said that. I remember us lying on her front lawn with the stars hanging above our heads. It is the best time to dream of princes and knights saving damsels in distress but then even with that scene, we are pushed to believe that fairytales isn't for everyone.

"Allie." I hear her call from the distance. I narrow my eyes and saw her. Her long brown hair now chopped off. It made her look older.

"It's been so long!" she says hugging me.

"There's something I need to tell you." I say in an almost rushed tone.

She just laughed as if I said something irrelevant. "I know. You wouldn't bother coming here if you don't have something to tell me."