THE WRITER

X: Reasons, There Will Always be Reasons

"Maybe it wasn't meant to be for now, but who knows... tomorrow might give you the reasons why it is still meant for you."

-Fate, Allie Santos

~

There is a part of me that wanted him to stay, I know I could do that. But the other part that wanted me to help him weighed more than my personal gain. After all the times we had together, I think it is finally safe to say that I do love Aiden. I love everything about him. The parts of him that I made, the parts of who he really is and even the parts that we both don't know.

But how will he answer to that love if he doesn't even know who he is? How can one love when he doesn't know who he is? If he has forgotten and just tries to live according to what you say to him, can you still consider that as love? If he doesn't have any roots, any identity and clear description of his life, will he be able to feel love?

Aiden is lost. I think a lot of people are. Constantly chasing for things they do not know and then they will eventually get lost in the process. There will always be people who are struggling to find out who they really are, what they're here for. What are they destined to do?

"You seem not like yourself." He says. In the bottom of my heart I know what I should do, but then even I felt lost in my decision. Finding Aiden will be a struggle, but my decision to help him was bigger than my fears.

"I'll help you." I told him, my voice seem definite. Sure. Convincing.

"That means you'll lose me in the process." I didn't have the courage to look at him. I can almost see the pained expression in his eyes through his voice. Pain. A feeling he isn't supposed to feel.

"I know."

"Will you miss me when I'm gone?"

I smiled, the kind of smile that didn't reach the eyes. "I already miss you even if you're here."

~

I browsed the internet to look for details about Aiden. I stumbled upon an ad trying to gather people to help his family look for him. I look up for the address and jotted it in my hand.

The house is about a thirty minutes ride away from my apartment. And the whole time in the bus I felt like throwing up. There is like a cloud in my chest that can't seem to move out of my system as if suffocating me making it hard to breathe.

Aiden is real. I tried convincing myself. Writing about him and pulling him out of my story doesn't make him mine. I tried remembering what Katie had said while we were talking, "We do not own people. We love, but we do not own. That's how it is. You just have to enjoy the moment and let things be."

When I reached the bus stop, my legs are wobbly and I'm afraid I can't make it to my destination. Aiden is not mine. I tried repeating again in my head.

I walk a few blocks until I reach the house. I was hesitant at first to ring the bell, I was about to turn back and just go home when someone opened the door. Fate must've planned this, there are things you needed to finish first before moving on.