My Past or My Future

Part 1

I didn't mean for it to go this far. I wanted to forgive and forget but I didn't. Doing something like that I couldn't forgive him, I had to walk away no matter how much it hurt.

Magnus thought as he entered his apartment greeted by Chairman meow. Picking him up Magnus went upstairs and opening the door to his room. As he stepped inside the smell of Alec him. On the bed laid the sweater Alec had set out for the day. Holding in his tears Magnus made the bed moving all of Alec's stuff back into a corner folded ready to be picked up. Magnus sat alone by his self, going over in his head everything that had happened from Camille telling him of Alec's betrayal to Alec standing alone in the tunnel as he walked away. Anger swelled up inside him. He hated Alec because he loved him, this should never have happened he could have seen it and stopped it. He warned Alec of Camille's trickster nature. He thought back to Will and his love dilemma of Tessa and Jem. He longed for Alec to be his. Back in his arms happy. But it was also disgusting, how could Alec betray him. Thinking back to when Magnus had told Alec they had hope that had figure something out for them to be together longer. The thought of losing Alec forever was torcher just like it had been for Tessa losing the love of her life. He couldn't bear the thought of that. A ringing rang though out the apartment break Magnus from his thoughts. It was Alec. The caller I.D confirmed. He almost rushed to answer it but kept himself at bay letting it go to voice mail.

"Magnus, its Alec, Alec Lightwood. Please talk to me, I'm so sorry I should never have done what I did, I know your probably out right now doing whatever you had to do, so call me when you get this."

It ended leaving Magnus alone again. He looked at the time realizing he did have to be somewhere. He went upstairs to get ready when the phone rang again. This time it was Isabelle. He let it go to voice mail again with no mean to want to talk to his exs sister. He didn't listen this time. Instead he turned his phone off and headed out. Raphael meet him a block away from the hotel.

"What is it you need?" Magnus spat out crossing his arms.

"Well someone's in a bad mood, what, your shadowhunting friends have no use for you anymore, that Lightwood boy was just using you. You seem more irritated than usual." Raphael shot back at him.

"None of your business, now let's get to whatever you want me to do so I can get out of this dump of a town." Magnus said watching Raphael's face tighten and his hands ball into a fist. "All I need is help tracking someone down, I would do so I but then I wouldn't get to spend time with your delightful self." Magnus slight smiled at this comment remembering back to the times when he first meet Raphael as an innocent little boy.

"Whatever the reason is I am glad to share my personality with someone just wish that someone was happier. Like my cat for example." Magnus's eyes shined in the darkness that enrolled around them.

"Who is it you need to find" Raphael stood up straight remembering the whole reason Magnus was here.

"A fellow vampire goes by the name Mayes. She poses a threat to me as a leader. I also have a personal matter with her, you see- "

"I have no care for your personal life with this Mayes, do you have something of hers or information..." Raphael smiled flashing his fangs out.

"Well I was hoping you would have information about this since the fact that the daylighter turned her, can't you go off and talked to your boyfriend about her." Magnus's face went as pale as Raphael's then broke into a smile covering his sadness though very aware that Raphael was watching him.

"We aren't on speaking terms right now."

Raphael's face grew into a grin

"I see; he was tired of your constant temper."

Magnus glared at his friend's soulless eyes

"I'll do what I can, give me today tomorrow I'll meet you here same time and will go after your girl." Raphael grimaced at Magnus's comment then walked away. Magnus walked back to his apartment flopping himself down on his couch. 45 missed calls shown on his screen. Sighing he put it down and went upstairs to take a nap before he explores the Mayes topic. His room looked the same as it did when he had left it. But looking in the corner he noticed all of Alec's stuff was gone and a key laid on his dresser. He laid down closing his eyes. Magnus dream of an Alec as one would right after a break up. They were in his apartment snuggled on the couch as the snow fell outside.

"I'll never leave you" Alec whispered into Magnus's ear.

"And I will never leave you my love" Magnus whispered back taking Alec's hand and holding it to his chest.

"I remember the first time I meet you. At my party I threw... for my cat. When you walked up to me with Clary and the others my heart leaped, for I have not loved in a long time in fear that I would see those I love die while I live the rest of my life alone. But seeing you I didn't care, I just knew I wanted to live the rest with you." Magnus looked deep into Alec's dark blue eyes

"I love you Alec I would never forget you." The dream turned into and Magnus was back in the tunnel with Alec in front of him.

"Alec..." Magnus broke into a smile which faded quickly after seeing Alec's face scrunched up in a scowl.

"You left me. You left me here broken and dead inside, how could you, I just wanted to know you better I just wanted to know more so I could help you. But you're beyond saving. I'm beyond saving." Alec took an arrow from his quiver and suck it in his heart. Dropping to the floor the witch light went out leaving Magnus in the dark with his sobs. Light came in as Magnus opened his eyes popping up straight.

"It was a dream just a dream." Magnus repeated over and over then looking at the time sprang out of bed, he had little time to find Mayes for Raphael. Best thing to do, find a vampire, Raphael is a goody but this Mayes was the opposite so of course he had no idea where she was. The only person he could think of was Simon, Camille was dead so he had no other connections, and he just had to avoid Alec, the person he wanted to see so badly. So Simon was his only hope. Great. Magnus did what he had to do, he dressed in a black hoddie and silky black pants. He only wore this because nothing about it screamed Magnus so if Alec was nearby hopefully he wouldn't notice Magnus at all. He made a portal and thought of stupid Simon. He appeared in a dark room with only a candle lit in the corner lighting up the room enough to shine on the bed where Simon laid with his arm draped over Isabella's chest. Magnus cursed, the last thing he needed apart from Alec seeing him was Alec's sister who had a temper seeing him. He had to be quick and careful. With a snap of his fingers Simon woke up startled when he saw Magnus's hand cover his mouth.