Let Me Open Your Eyes

Chapter 19- The Hole In Her Chest

{"You have the same eyes as your mother, cause we are both exhausted 

   but your mother does not wear that anger, you're right my rage I get from my father"}

After the kiss it felt as if something within me had changed. It wasn't something that was immediately noticeable, but it was something that I had realized over time. I was just so much happier and the world felt a little bit less cold, like everything could fall into place just because of one moment.

Part of me was panicking, worried that I would ruin everything just by being myself. But deep down part of me knew that Aspen wanted me for exactly who I was.

"You have a strange look on your face" Nana Sylvie pointed out with a small curious smile, tilting her head slightly. I had not visited her in a while because everything just felt so intense, but it was refreshing to be back in her company. Despite everything that had happened, she was something that I would always go back to and part of me knew that I could rely on her deep down.

"Do I?" I bit my lip slightly but was unable to hide my smile.

Her face lit up slightly as she raised an eyebrow. "Yes. Has anything happened? Last time you visited me you were in a completely different place."

I sighed gently, shaking my head softly. "I don't know, Nana. I just feel so much more like myself, like I don't have to put on a performance anymore. I'm not sure what it is..."

She bit back a small smile and gave me half of her biscuit. "Really? You have no idea?"

She raised her eyebrow and glanced at me innocently causing me to burst out laughing, my cheeks hurting slightly from smiling. She could figure me out in a second with a simple look, and it was clear that she could distance herself from the lies that I told everyone else. Part of me was nervous as I had never imagined myself having to tell such a story, and I didn't want any pressure on this newfound happiness. I didn't want to rely on the feeling too much in case it was suddenly snatched away.

"Remember the boy from the funeral? The one who knows about me talking?" I mumbled softly, wiping the back of my neck nervously.

"How could I not?" she encouraged me, sitting up straighter as if her attention had been directed completely onto me.

I shuffled in my seat awkwardly. "Well, we have kind of become...closer. We worked out some of our issues and...I'm really happy."

Her face softened, her eyes filling with emotion and she suddenly looked as if she might cry. I panicked, reaching forward and taking her hand.

"Hey, what is it? Are you in pain?" I asked hurriedly but she brushed me off with a small laugh, wiping away her tears.

"Sweetheart...it's just that I've waited a long time to see you happy again. Even just by that smile on your face I can tell that you must really like him and it just makes me so happy to see someone taking care of you. For a long time it seemed like nobody was taking care of you and you acted like you were terrified to make any friends...but I just want you to know that I am so proud of you" she told me with a gentle smile, her eyes tearing up once more, "I am so proud of you."

My breath caught and my voice began to shake. "N-Nana..."

"You will have to bring him by some time for me to meet him" she teased me playfully, "Just so that I can work out if he is good enough for you."

"He would love you" I smiled gently, placing my hand over hers. "I'll bring him by when I next see you, I promise."

"Sounds perfect" she murmured.