Let Me Open Your Eyes

Chapter 20 - Beneath The Lies

(TRIGGER WARNING : mental and psychical abuse which is cruel, Paisley has a really bad past and in this chapter it will all be revealed. Always take care of yourselves and others) 

{"You pinned my legs to the ground with your feet

                                                               and demanded that I stand up"}

As soon as I opened the door to her hospital room, she immediately knew that something was wrong. She could tell by my sour face that was filled with confusion and slight hurt, and she said that I was quieter than usual.

"Hi" I sat down on one of her chairs gently, ignoring her raised eyebrows. "How are you feeling today?"

She watched me closely, filling up a cup of tea. "Fine...how are you?"

"Fine" I grumbled, looking at the floor.

"Come on, what is wrong?" she sighs, settling back in her chair comfortably, "is it something to do with Aspen?"

"I don't know Nana..." I frowned slightly as she listened closely, "He just seems differently lately. He's been distant and I don't know why."

Nana thought long and hard, tapping on the edge of her tea cup with her weak fingers gently, "You haven't had an argument or anything?"

I shook my head quickly. "That is why I don't understand it...surely after you confess your feelings everything should be easier. But he is acting weird and I just wish he would tell me why...he just doesn't tell me anything."

"What is he doing exactly that is weird?"

I sigh, thinking back to the past week. "It's just like he is barely around...he never asks to see me or comes around anymore. He has been so awkward and quiet around me, as if not knowing what to do anymore. I thought he just felt weird as we admitted our feelings but...surely...he shouldn't be acting like this? It's almost like he is avoiding me..."

Nana smiled gently, "I know it must be hard, sweetheart. Especially as you have come so far and opened up so much to him...but...did you ever think that..that could be why?"

"What do you mean?" I frowned, straightening up slightly.

"You haven't told him everything I presume" she asks hesitantly, to which I shake my head slowly, "so he may still feel awkward and unable to get close to you. I mean, if you have feelings for each other and care a lot, you share everything with each other, all of your problems. But you are still keeping things from him, important things...that might be making it hard for him to be with you."

I look down sadly and swallow heavily. "You think I have to tell him e-everything?"

Nana places her hand over mine soothingly, "Sweetheart, I don't want you to feel forced to do anything. You should tell him when you are ready but...if you don't ever tell him...how far do you think you two will get?"

Her question is gentle and it makes my heart ache, tears filling my eyes slowly. I know deep down that she is right and it is killing me inside.

If I didn't completely trust Aspen with everything, with all of my pain and anxiety, then would we ever be happy together?

...

Aspen sat down on a chair, studying me worriedly. Ever since I had talked with Nana Sylvie, my anxiety had come back stronger than ever. I was shaking, tremors throughout my body as the memories refused to leave my head, playing over and over again on repeat. I could barely breathe, running my fingers through my scalp lines harshly, fingers scratching the skin roughly.