let bartlet be bartlet / i promise... & playing with lighters

i can feel the good vibes leaving me behind

i could feel your body next to me
when you weren't here
now i just feel nothing
not even a numbness
not even something remotely close to something
and when you cough i feel like crying
because it scares me to think you're dying
and I'm trying to come to terms
with that everything i love has to be pryed away from me

and you're such a bitch
but i can't stop listening

you say you wanna get fucked up!
i'll hold you when you regret it
like always!
and you'll forget it all by morning
you say you wanna have good dreams
and i pretend not to care
but i pray every night that you don't have a nightmare
this is my nightmare
you are a nightmare

i haven't seen you since you moved out
since you left me
since you left town
since you got sick of hanging around
truth is i'm coping with it
but you're still here,
just a drive down a couple of highways
but the traffic sucks
and honestly it seems like I'm questioning my liberty
when i ask myself if it's worth it to even leave my bed

and I'm such a bitch,
aren't i?
everybody tells me that you're doing just fine
but i can't listen to them
they know nothing
about the long nights
and i swear to god.

you say you wanna get fucked up
and i give up
i wish i cared but
I'm just a little bit stuck in a rut
of trying to decide whether I'm better off "without you" or without you
you say you wanna live a good life
with good people
and if you only live to be 25 you hope we'll enjoy the funeral
you are the coffin
that surrounds me
and now i can't breathe because i thought that

leaving town was a good move
and coming back and pretending i haven't met you was a good plan
but then you say things
like "you're my family, Jesse"
you know i hate that
and if i left
i thought i could learn that coughing wasn't tearing you apart but it was tearing me up
enough is enough is enough is enough is enough

you say you wanna get get fucked up!
and i'll let you
i know you'd do the same for me if asked you
and i'm better off without you than without you and i can't do much better than that because it all is the same damn thing
you say you're a corruption
i'm not gunna argue
you don't know how to function like a human being
without me
i hope you dream about me