Chasing Yellow

Chapter 1

My name is Ethan Write. I scribe down in my black composition book. My aunt advised me I should start writing a journal, so people will know how I feel. If I start acting different, they'll check the journal.

"Ethan." My mom says as she bust through my room. I quickly shove he journal under a pillow.

"Yes mom?" I ask as innocent as possible. If she found this notebook who knows what'll happen.

"Your dad's at work and I think we need to talk." I start to feel hot. My face is getting flustered. Ever since she found out that I'm gay she shows a weird interest in my life. She wants to keep things a secret and I hate it. "So, Who are your friends, I went through your list and a lot of then aren't straight and you're only this way because you surround yourself with these people."

I put in my headphones and ignore her. She takes the hint yells something at me and walks away. I have to get up and close the door since she wouldn't.

I pull out my notebook. My mom isn't the accepting and loving mother I expected or wanted but it's what I have. She likes to yell at me and tell me things that make me feel even more unaccepted.

I have really bad anxiety that leads to bad bad thoughts. I carefully write. My eyes water up. I can't breathe when I have an anxiety attack and it can be for the littlest thing like a change of text. Sometimes my only escape is to....

I stop. I can't. I look at my scars on my wrist. This is my escape. My distraction but I can't write that. What if mom finds it and tells my aunt. She's all I have. I can't have her thinking differently of me.

I scribble out the last sentence and put my notebook away. Its 11:00 pm and I really don't wanna go to sleep right now. I pull out my phone. 'Who would be awake?' I think to myself. Oh I know. Liliana

Hey Liliana

Hey Ethan, what's up?

Not much. Just starting a new thing for my aunt.

Oh nice. What's it about?

Just a journal.

Cool. So did you talk about today.

A little intro and my mom and my anxiety but I left out... You know.

Yea, understandable.
Hey, its getting late, I gotta go get some rest. Talk to you later.

Mkay, goodnight. Sweet dreams.

I look at the clock and its almost 12:00. That conversation flew by.

I close my eyes as I slowly drift.

My eyes flutter open. I look around and get a grip of my surroundings. I'm at school.

"Hey Ethan, glad you're starting that journal. Might help you out in the future." Liliana calls out to me walking up and embracing me in a big hug.

"Hi Liliana. Man, you sure are in a good mood today." I laugh.

"You don't even know." She winks at me which is strange because she's normally extremely anti-winking

I feel two arms wrap around my waste and a gentle chin pressed against my shoulder. "Hey babez." A nice familiar voice whispers in my ear as his soft lips peck my cheek.

"Hey Justin" Liliana says which really peaks my interest because yesterday she would have nothing to do with him because of her shyness.

"So that's what your voice sounds like." Justin says and I can't help but to giggle. But what happens next really puts me in a loop.

"Yes... Um.. You look nice today Justin." Liliana squeaks out. Justin let's go of me and walks over to her.

"You're not too shabby yourself." He says caressing her face.

"Excuse you! Your boyfriend is right here" I say frustrated.

"No, you're single." He says, his words stabbing me like a sword.

"W-what..." I studder as he kisses Liliana.

"You snooze you loose." She says laughing.

I jolt upright. I look around and see my room. I'm covered in sweat. Thank god. It was just a dream. No wonder we were at school in summer time. I giggle at the stupid dream. I look at the time. 4:27 A.m. I lay back down and close my eyes thinking over my nightmare.

"Psh, it's stupid. Justin is a gentleman. He wouldn't do that to me and Liliana is a great friend, she wouldn't just do that... Would they..?" I say out loud to myself pondering over things.

'Its just your anxiety' I think to myself.

I try to fall back asleep but I can't. Wide awake. Might as well do something. I turn on a scary movie to keep me occupied for the next couple hours.

After I finish the Saw IV the sun is coming up. I watch the sunrise memorized by its beauty. I grab my phone and take a picture on Snapchat.

Justin replies to my sunrise. 'Doing a great job with your photography babe.' That makes me feel a lot better about my nightmare. He's amazing.

'Thanks. I love you' I reply.

'I love you too.' He states and I smile as I turn my phone off prepared for what today may bring.