The Phantom Ascending |✔| [Phantom of the Opera Fanfiction]

Of Dreams and Fears

I was too far away to visit my father's grave, but it still comforted me to light a candle and talk to him. Sometimes Raoul couldn't understand me, and at these times, seeking guidance, I returned to my old habits.

There was no voice anymore to answer my questions, no illusion to trick my mind, and sometimes I missed the innocent old days when I'd be comforted by my Angel.

Oh, but I did not miss the Phantom. Not truly, not with the fear his actions had instilled in me.

As wrong as it may be, while being sad, I also felt relief when I'd first heard of his death. I felt safe. And still... I felt guilty, too. How did he die? He was never caught. Did he take his own life? Was I to blame? No. I chose not to feel guilty. I did nothing wrong, in the end. I blamed cruel fate, instead.

Pitiful creature, my poor Angel. I hoped he had at least found some peace in death.

Since it was he who had taught me how to properly sing, I liked to think that by performing I somehow honored the doomed love he felt for me.

"What should I do, father? I wish to sing, more and more... I know there are still peaks my voice hasn't conquered, I know that there are heights I am yet to reach. I know that this hunger can wait a little longer, that Raoul won't keep me from singing once we're wed... And still I fear that I won't be as free as I am now."

Spoken aloud, my worries suddenly made me uncomfortable. Was this how I truly felt, then? Have I escaped the Phantom's grasp and the confines of his underground home only to feel captured by the gilded cage of high society?

"I am just unused to it, that's all, papa. That is all. I don't wish to be ungrateful. I will be fine."

I knew I now spoke to my father's memory only because it made it easier to confront these things. In truth, I spoke to no one but myself.

One majestic opera, that's all I needed. Just one more before I return to France, to my future home and obligations. I will convince Raoul. I won't give in, this time. I will sing for myself, and for Raoul, and for my father's memory, and for the memory of the fallen Angel of my youth.

There only remained a matter of finding that one perfect production...