Life and What Comes With It

For You, E

Note: This isn't really too much of a poem. It's actually more of a letter and it is meant for someone really special.

For you, E.

Deep inside I'm still hoping that one day you'd come.
We all know that you're a special one.
We never saw each other
But my love for you was like no other.

I know I was too young.
Too many trials came along.
They say it wasn't even real
But I knew that it was the real deal.

I also know that the old us would never come back.
I know that you've moved on and so have I.
I've accepted that I'd never have you back.
I'm quite sure there's another apple of your eye.

I'm sorry for hurting you,
I never wanted to.
Maybe in another life,
You'd want to have me for a wife.

As much as I wanted it to be in this life,
The circumstances would never permit us to.
The age gap would easily be accepted
But the distance is one thing that is really hard to conquer.

Whenever I'd get lonely,
You're the first person that I look for to comfort me.
I understand you completely
So please dont feel bad that you weren't here with me.

I also know you'd see this,
And I really want you to know how I feel.
I want you to read this piece
But I know I dont deserve you, your attention as well.

I just really want to see you
To be able to touch and hug you.
Even for just one time
To show myself that you weren't just a dream of mine.

I'm put to tears whenever I think of how much pain I've caused you.
I want to thank you for never wanting to hurt me.
You're one person that I would never want to hurt
But I know I did countless times already.

I'm sorry for not making up my mind.
I'm sorry if I showed you back then that I wasn't sure if I wanted you to be mine.
I wanted to enjoy life too much,
But I knew there was nothing as such.

I love you.
I know I still do.
This love isn't as strong as how it used to be
But it serves as a reminder that I had an "E" that will always be a part of me.

I never want to lose you.
Even though we dont talk much anymore.
Even though I don't know how to approach you
Since I'm used to us being so much more.

I know I'm selfish for asking this,
But I ask you to never leave.
You could go MIA on me
But please, just please never disappear completely.

It's true that I love you.
No matter how many people came,
No matter how many people I loved more,
You are the one that I come back to whatever the reason it is for.

I'm sorry,
It sounded like you were an option.
You never were, you shouldn't worry.
I don't want to have you out of just desperation.

You're still very dear to me.
I want to thank you for all that you've done for me.
And I'm sorry for not completely letting go of you,
I also wanted to tell you that I really really do miss you.

You said you would wait even after four years,
Two tears have passed and now I'm in tears.
Two more years to come
But I wonder if that time will still come.

Are you still coming back?
Am I even still important to you?
You've been gone for months I cant keep track.
But I'm still waiting, hoping you'd want to see me too.