Lift Your Head Weary Sinner

93- An angel tells me that I'm "internally damaged".

 "Come on, it will be fine." Dean says as he practically drags me behind him. I heave a sigh, I'm not great with meeting new people, and this was guaranteed to be awkward. Sam had already met the angel Castiel, that had dragged Dean out of hell, but I I hadn't been around when that happened. Apparently he was trying to stop the 66 seals from Revelations from being broken, and we were supposed to somehow help.

"He's an angel, Y/N. There's nothing to be worried about." Sam nudged my shoulder encouragingly. I knew I shouldn't have been making such a big deal about this, but I've always had a hard time making friends. Real hard to believe with my fantastically charming personality, I know. Between the fact I moved schools so much, was just in general different from everyone else, and had two older brothers that would skin anyone who hurt me alive, it wasn't a big surprise I never really fit in anywhere.

I follow Sam and Dean into our motel room, where a man I assume must be Castiel is sitting on the couch staring with a disgusted look on his face at Dean's copy of an adult magazine, probably 'Busty Asian Beauties' or something equally gross lying on the coffee table.

Dean nods approvingly, "That's one of my favorites." I roll my eyes. He just recommended porn to a freaking angel. It's like he was asking to be thrown back in Hell.

"Y/N." Castiel says, his voice monotone.

"Yes." I say, unsure of how to reply as I study the splintering floorboards underfoot that have suddenly become extremely entrancing.

The angel stands and walks over to me, seeming completely ignorant to the concept of personal space as he stands ridiculously close to me. "Hello." He says tentatively, as if he's afraid I'll shatter if he speaks to loudly. He sounds...curious.

I consider taking a step back, but not wanting to be considered rude I offer a greeting back, hoping that a comfortable distance will be maintained in the future. Castiel seems to inspecting me, and I shift awkwardly back and forth on me feet, not sure what to do.

"She seems very damaged internally." He says to no one in particular.

"What do you mean? Am I sick?" I ask, and risk looking up into the angel's face.

"No. I mean you're scarred."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Of course she is. She's a hunter, and she's seen and experienced things, just like the rest of us." He says, coming to my defense. "Now give her some freaking space, you're probably creeping her out."

I feel grateful for Dean's input, and go to join Sam who was doing research at the table. Castiel follows, while Dean goes off to grab some beer from the motel kitchenette's mini fridge.

"I didn't mean to creep you out." Castiel says sincerely.

I feel a pang of guilt, and smile at him. "It's okay, you didn't." Castiel nods. "It's strange I've never met you before." I say, thinking of all the times Dean had mentioned the angel, but I'd never actually met him until today. It was nice to finally get to know the infamous angel.

"That's probably because he's always poofing off without warning." Sam says, looking up from his laptop.

"Yes, well I've been busy, you know that." Castiel replies.

Dean comes back, four beers in hand, and tosses one to each of us. "I see you two are making conversation. Not so bad, right?" He asks me, taking a swig of his drink. I send him glare, that he easily read as a message to shut up, but being my older brother he ignored my unspoken request. "Cas's a ball of sunshine once you get to know him."

"Are you implying that I am similar to the sun because I emit intense heat or generate a bright light? Because I don't recall ever doing any of those things, other than being incandescent on a few occasions." Castiel tilts his head at Dean, obviously confused.

I sit back in my chair and laugh at how the angel took Dean's metaphor quite literally.

---

***Third Person POV***

"So what did you think of my baby sister?" Dean asked, a grin on his face.

"She....has a beautiful soul." Cas looked at him with complete honesty.

"Come again?" Dean asked, making sure he heard the angel correctly.

"Y/N has beautiful soul. She cares very deeply for you and Sam, you should be proud. It is still very bright, despite the pain she has lived through."

Dean sat there in complete silence, unsure of how to react. An angel just told him that his baby sister has a beautiful soul despite being in pain. How exactly was he supposed to take this? As a compliment? An insult? A freaking suggestion?

Cas noticed Dean's confusion and continued. "She has watched you and Sam die numerous times, along with her father. She is female and grew up without a mother and her father abandoned her when she was only 15, which lead to depression."

"Dad didn't abandon her. He let her go to that art school and stay with Bobby!"

Cas shook his head. "John didn't condone her artistic abilities. He let her go because he didn't want her in the way, he thought she slowed you down. She knew this and spent many years beating herself up over the fact her own father didn't want her and thought she was useless. I am her guardian as well as yours. I watched her... She had no one. When you and Sam, the only true family she had left stopped visiting and were just to busy to be bothered, she nearly killed herself."

Dean could feel his chest tighten as Castiel told him what she had gone through. "I had no idea."

Castiel nodded, his eyes on the table in front of him. He had read through her thoughts, seen her whole life. All the bad things she'd done, and all the good she'd done to cancel out the bad. Humans were remarkable creatures, especially the Winchester family. They fought for others, cheated death, and would give their lives for one another in a heartbeat. And Y/N.... Well she fought just as hard as the rest of them. All she had left were her brothers, and she would never let them go.