Sisi / Season 1

41⁒

love again - ta-ku

I watch the black lizard crunch the ratchet cricket. He takes his time—he sees no apocalypse. I feed him another one, as I sit on the soft carpet floor.

"So how many girls have you brought here?" I ask.

Croc stares at my toes like they're his adversaries. I wiggle them and he skirts away.

"I don't usually bring company over," Jacob stands in the kitchen, doing something.

I look up at him, expressionless.

"I didn't say company, I said girls," I clarify, raising a hypercritical brow.

He leans on the counter and drinks his Fiji water. It doesn't help that his grey t-shirt hugs his built body so snuggly. I could possibly be drooling. The corners of the room feel like they're growing darker. I forget the time. I like how all the windows are covered with brown opaque drapes, like Jacob doesn't believe in stars and sky and infinity.

"Two," he answers.

Fair enough, I tell myself. Many braggart men I know would brag with a higher number. With his good looks, you'd think he meant two dozen. I don't ask if I'm the second or the third. I don't ask, no.

I came knocking at his door to return his clothes from a few nights ago. I ended up staying an hour later, playing with his lizard. We even ate some cold pizza. I told him I wrote a story about him. He said that's pretty cool. He told me he got a new tattoo on his shoulder. I said cool. And that was it. And now we're talking about girls in his room.

"You men are so weak," I glower.

"You women are so wicked," he quickly replies.

I return my attention to the lizard. I lure him in with the cricket. Jacob relaxes on his bed. Chill. Stress free. I really don't know why I'm here.

"Why are you averse to having a relationship?" I ask, like a philosopher.

"What makes you think that?" he asks back.

"You're a player," there's no philosophy in my words.

The minute of silence tells me he's frowning. Yeah, I shouldn't be so blunt. At least not so often...

"I'm not," he defends loosely.

If he were in a court room, the jury would boo him.

"Oh really?" I'm sarcastic now.

"I just haven't found the one," he smiles widely.

"You mean the one for tomorrow night?" I inure.

He laughs now, appreciating my sense of humour. I laugh a bit too at my own joke, sadly.

"And you?" he looks at me petting the lizard, "You're madly in love with your boyfriend?"

"We're so-o in love. We made out last night," I shrug my shoulder, like it's nothing new.

"Hm."

I pause, "What's 'hm'?"

"Just... Hm."

I roll my eyes and put the lizard back in his tropic simulated habitat.

"Last time you kissed me, it was a disappointment," I say to hurt his ego.

"Last time I kissed you, it was your first kiss."

How... How does he know that? I keep a blank face on. Don't make him see you sweat. I brush my hair back.

"First kiss with a failure."