The Deal (Billdip Fanfic)

Chapter XV: Even Demons Can Have Their Hearts Broken.

After hours of waiting Bill started getting worried. He headed back home only to be greeted by an empty house. He closed his normal eye and searched every corner of the second dimension with his all seeing eye. Dipper was no where to be found.
He collapsed on the floor and tried to hold back tears. 'What is wrong with me? Since when am I crying?' He thought right when something inside of him started hurting. The ache was just terrible and it was making it harder for him to hold back his tears. He tried to find the source of the ache, but there was nothing wrong with him. Of course, he never thought that his injury may not be a physical injury, but rather an emotional one.
He closed his eyes, trying to back the tears that were forming in the corners of his eyes. The ache grew bigger and was about to give in to the urge to cry his suffering when the sound of glass breaking made him snap his eyes open. He looked around the room, but nothing was broken. He headed to the kitchen and he didn't expect what he saw.
He expected a plate, or a glass to be broken, but instead the whole plate was trashed. Every glass, plate and bowl, every piece of cutlery were covering the floor; the glasses, plates and bowls shattered to pieces. And that wasn't all, but he didn't have time to look further than that since loud bangs were coming from the living room. He turned around only to find every piece of furniture was thorn to pieces.
Bill tried putting everything back tougher and in their rightful place, both in the living room and in the kitchen, but his powers just wouldn't work. He looked dowm at his hands and then back at the mess in front of him and he started panicking. And as much as he told himself that he'll find a way to clean up everything, it didn't help. Then air started getting stuck in his throat and he couldn't breath. And that was physically hurting him, which freaked him out even more since first, nothing was wrong with him, and second, he didn't even need to breath, so why was it hurting him if he just couldn't breath?
He rushed out of the house and sat down, with his back against the door. He tried breathing in, but with no luck. He started felling dizzy and his vision got blurry and unfocused, which didn't help him calm down. It did the opposite, actually. He tried to focus his vision on anything, but it just got worse and, now,besides having a blurry vision, he was not seeing splashes of colour in front of his eyes. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, but with no luck.
'Ok, I need to calm down first.' He tried rationalizing in his mind. 'What is calming?' He asked himself inwardly and the answer came right away: 'Murder.' He tried focusing him attention on the cruelest and most gruesome ways he could murder somebody rather than on his panic, while taking deep breaths. For a few minutes nothing changed but then he started breathing again and his panic washed away. He opened his eyes and his vision went back to normal in an instant.
He sighed relieved and for a second he thought everything was ok. But then the ache from his chest returned. He brought his knees to his chest and laid his forehead on his knees. He was confused and mentally tired. He wasn't in mood for that crap. So he gave in and bursted into tears.
There was no movement and no sounds, besides Bill's occasional sobs, and it felt like everything was dead. And for a moment, Bill wished he was dead too, so he wouldn't have to bear all the pain and confusion he was feeling at the moment. And even if he couldn't bring himself to admit it, the pain was caused by heartbreak.
And he was gonna make sure the person who made him feel that way was gonna suffer as much as he did.
*
Dipper fell asleep right away and for once he had a peaceful sleep, for an hour at least. During that time he had a dreamless sleep, but then the nightmare began. It was the same old one, but somehow it always got to him. And right when it got to the part where he couldn't bear it anymore, everything changed.
The town wasn't burning everyone was fine. Or at least that's what he assumed. Because he wasn't in the center of the town anymore, now, he was on the roof of the shack. It was a stary night and the full moon was shining brightly. He looked around him and was so happy when he saw Bill staying on the edge of the roof, looking at the stars, and paying Dipper no mind.
Dipper went over to him and sat down next to the demon. He took Bill's hand into his and squeezed it as he said softly: "Bill, darling?" But Bill didn't even look at Dipper and all he did was hum in response. There was something wrong and Dipper realized that, but he let it slide. "Can we talk?" He asked and Bill nodded, while still not looking at him.
"Im sorry for leaving like that. I..." he started saying, but Bill cut him off. "Are you really sorry?" He said coldly but he still didn't look at Dipper. "Yes, I'm very sorry." Dipper said and Bill glared at him. If looks could kill, Dipper would've dropped dead in that moment. But luckily, only one person could kill you by just glaring at you, and that person wasn't Bill.
"Then why did you leave in the first place?!" The demon asked and Dipper put his hands on his lap and started playing with his fingers, while looking for the best way to explain to Bill what happened and how he had no choice. "See, you don't have an answer because we both know what happened!" "Bill, that's not true!" Dipper said, but the demon ignored him as he stood up and started walking around on the roof.
"We both know exactly what happened. The only reason you stayed with me all these years was because you wanted to protect the persons you love. And, obviously, as soon as you had the chance, you left." "That's not true! Bill, darling, please, you know me better than this." Dipper said trying to calm down his boyfriend, but with no luck. Bill snorted, amused by Dipper's words, and he spat sarcastically: "Right. Like I would believe that!"
Dipper stood up aswell and looked straight into Bill's gold eye, in which the only emotion Dipper could read was pure rage. "Well, you should, because it's the truth. You should know by now how much I love you." Dipper said and Bill stopped in his tracks and looked straight at Dipper. "Do you wanna know what I know?" He asked, his amger still obvious in his tone. "I know that you don't give a damn about me and my very few feelings. You don't bloody love me and we both know that. I'm just upset I didn't realize that earlier, to save myself from the heartbreak." Bill said coldly and Dipper sighed.
"Darling, you know I love you dearly. I really do. I just didn't have a choice when I left you." He said and Bill looked straight in Dipper's eyes as he said: "You always have a choice!"
Dipper jolted awake before he could say anything else. He sat up and looked around him for his glasses. He was panting and sweat was dripping down his neck and back. He finally found his glasses and put them on. He stood up and went over to the desk. He knew he wouldn't find what he wanted, but it was worth giving it a shot. He started looking through all the drawers and in the last one he found a half emtpy pack of cigarettes. He sighed relieved when he saw that inside was also a lighter.
He headed to the roof and sat down at the edge of the roof. He would've smoked inside, but there was an unspoken rule not to. Neither he or Stan smoked inside, of course, when the latter was alive, but Dipper kept doing it since he got used to it. Mabel never liked that so that's why he preferred the roof. It was quiet and lonely, without no one to remind him that with every drag of that cigarette he was taking he was closer to dying. It was annoying to always hear that especially since that's one of the reasons he started smoking in the first place.
He lit up a cigarette and stood there, silently, taking drags out of the cigarette from time to time and thinking about his dream. Nothing from it was like Bill. That person looked and sounded like Bill, but Dipper was certain that it wasn't Bill. He wouldn't have just lashed out hateful affirmations at him, no, Bill would've straight up murdered him. And Bill is colder than ice when he's upset, every word of his is sending chills down your back and you know that you're about to die and you're scared, very scared, even if you're not the one Bill is angry at . But in his dream, Bill was on flames, thing that never happened.
But of course, there was a detail that Dipper didn't notice: when Bill visits his dreams, everything is black amd white, while now everything was normal. But even without noticing that, Dipper realized that the dream was irrelevant and that he should ignore it. But a part of him couldn't ignore it. A part of him knew that Bill must be thinking the very same thing and he couldn't stand that idea.
He chuckled as he took the final drag from his 5th cigarette. If somebody would've told him 30 years ago that he would be madly in love with Bill Cipher, he would've laughed in that person's face. Actually somebody told him that. And he laughed in her face. And now she's the person who does anything in her power to keep Dipper and Bill apart from eachother. 'How things change!' He thought and sighed.
Everything was a mess and he had to fix it.