Sugar Lust

Chapter Thirteen

It was drafty inside the train car, and Emmeline put a sweater over Millie's long-sleeve striped onesie, catching it on the baby's head. Millie laughed, thinking it was a game of peek-a-boo, and clapped her hands. Emmeline fixed the sweater, but her mind was somewhere else.

What do I do? Give him space, or run after him?

She went back and forth, not able to make a decision. She remembered that dreadful moment when she first told him she was pregnant, and he ran off. It was space he needed then; maybe space was what he needed now. It went against her every instinct. She wanted to run after him to make sure everything was okay. However, the weather was so bad, she didn't like the idea of taking Millie out, especially when it was time to put her to bed. Millie's bedtime ritual was important, and Emmeline had learned the hard way that messing with it wasn't a good idea unless she wanted to stay up all night with a crying baby. Maybe if it wasn't so bad outside, she'd be tempted to risk the crying baby to settle things with Nicholas.

It was unusual for there to be such storms in December; usually, they didn't rear their ugly heads until the end of January. She missed the warmth. It felt like it had been weeks since she didn't feel at least slightly chilled.

She called Ginny, but she didn't answer—she must be out at some volunteer thing or another. That girl was always doing something, especially since it was her last year in high school, and she was hoping to get into university and study to be a lawyer. She needed her university application form to be spectacular and worked hard to make it so. Emmeline tried Callum next. Thankfully he answered. She explained everything, babbling on and on, getting it all out. He patiently listened, teasing her along the way.

"You know Nicky won't be mad at you. You were trying to make things better." Emmeline trusted Callum's judgment. He might be the only person on earth who knew Nicholas better than she did. "Nicky loves you. Just give him time. Besides, you're far too cute to stay mad at!"

"Callum, you didn't see him," Emmeline said, ignoring that last comment. She was happy to get it off her chest. Talking to Callum usually left her feeling better. He was so lighthearted and fun, and even though he wasn't serious, sometimes his flirting made her feel good. Most importantly, she felt safe talking to him. It took her mind off of her present problems. By the time she got off the phone, she felt better. She just hoped he was right.

She put the kettle on, thinking a cup of hot chocolate might help. It might help her feel better if she put some peppermint schnapps in it, not that she was old enough to drink.

That was the weird thing about being a teenage mom: you had all the responsibility, an entire life depending on you for their every need. There were bills to pay, paperwork to fill out, and yet you were too young to vote, too young to drink, and too young to get loans without co-signers. People wouldn't rent apartments to you because you were too young.

It was hard. But she wouldn't trade Millie for the world, even if she might trade how old she was when she had her. Emmeline tried to see what her daughter's future would hold, this train car kid, her Boxcar Millie. She wanted big things for her. She wanted her to grow up and go after life. She wanted her to take on the world. She could be a CEO of a major corporation, or human rights lawyer, or start a non-profit that would address the injustices and problems that plagued this world.

The idea of this baby with drool soaking the front of her bib becoming an adult was weird to think about; Tall, with hair, saying proper words. It was hard to imagine, but it would happen no matter what, whether she wanted it to or not. She would grow and become more and more her own person. Emmeline wanted Millie to grow to want more in life than to accept the status quo, to fight hard for what she wanted. Emmeline realized that for that to happen, she would have to conquer in the same fight. Right now, she would have to fight for Nicholas. She still wasn't sure if she had screwed up by talking to Dorothy, but that was in the past, and he needed to accept the situation that t right now. Emmeline would have to make him see that.

The wind howled outside, rushing between the train cars and the train station. A train blew by, the first one for several hours, surprising her. She looked at the time. Another hour and Nicholas's shift would be over. She hoped that he would be coming back, and that he would be in the mood for talking.

She put Millie to bed, reading her a story first. She only had one story, but she read it to her every night, even though the reading level was way beyond her six months.

"Evangelina Magdalina Rose Beth Murtz was waiting for the best day ever to begin," she started. Emmeline could recite the words to the book by heart. Millie's eyes closed halfway through the story, and Emmeline put her into her playpen bed with her cuddle blanket, and then paced the floors anxiously as she waited for Nicolas to return. This was when she longed for a TV to put on a movie or lose herself in some TV show. Instead, she pulled out a stack of cards and played solitaire until she heard a thump outside that made her stomach clench. A few moments later, the door opened.

He was home.

"Nicholas," she began as he took off his coat. "I am so sorry, please, you have to forgive me."

"Come here," he said. "Wait, did you do that?" He seemed to notice the lights strung up in the shape of a tree for the first time.

"Nah, Millie did it," she said cheekily. "You know that girl, the queen of craftiness." Then she kicked herself; this wasn't the time to be silly, and she was getting distracted.

"She did a good job."

He got her.

"Come here," he said, and she went. He wrapped his arms around her and they stared at the tree. He stood a head taller than her, and she felt so safe in his arms.

He bent his head down and snuggled in, placing small kisses on her neck. Her entire body relaxed.

"Thank you," he said finally.

"For what?" Emmeline asked, lifting her head too abruptly.

He laughed. "You know. I was so stunned that you went over there to talk to Mom, I didn't know what to say. I know how you feel about her. I know what that cost you."

"I hate seeing you upset. I had to do it. I just wish it worked."

"It doesn't matter. She drew her line in the sand, and I will too." He reached into his pocket and pulled something small and shiny out of it. Emmeline gasped. He held the ring fitted with a tiny diamond in front of her.

"I can't afford much, and if I'm honest, this was left in the lost and found bucket at the station. It's been there for a year and no one has claimed it. So, I decided that it needed a new home. Will you—not today, maybe sometime later, you know, when we have figured this all out—but you know not that far away—man, I am screwing this up."

"Yes, oh please, yes!" She looked deep into his eyes.

"Wait! You have to wait until I get the words out!"

"Okay, then get on with it."

"Emmeline Hope, will you...,"

"Yes!"

"No, wait! Maybe I won't ask you if you keep interrupting me."

She gave him a fake scowl.

"Emmeline, will you marry me?" The words came out quickly.

"No."

"What?"

"Yes, of course, yes! But are you sure?"

"After what you did, putting aside your feelings to try and make things better. If I ever had any doubts, they are gone. Forever gone. You and I will be together for the rest of our lives, and if my mother can't handle that, she'll have to live the rest of her life without us."

She kissed him. There was no more talking. How could there be? Joy spread through her whole body, and she couldn't remember ever feeling so happy.