Sugar Lust

Chapter Nineteen

Millie entering grade one took Emmeline almost by surprise. It felt like just seconds ago when she and Nicholas were happily moving into that train station. It seemed surreal to think about that time, another life. She thought about Millie having a baby at sixteen and then pondered the idea of permanently putting a lock on her bedroom door. Nicholas would approve of that.

Life was changing again—not that it had stayed still for more than a minute. In a blink, Millie didn't need her as much, becoming capable of doing things on her own: she could brush her own hair, and insisted on picking out her clothes. She had a wicked sense of style, mixing sparkles and busy patterns. At first, Emmeline would fight with her about her clashing choices, but she soon learned how strong-willed Millie was. She started to let her wear whatever she wanted, unless it was really important. Parenting that kid was usually an exercise in compromise, and well, Emmeline asked herself, did it matter if the sparkles on her shirt didn't precisely match the sequins on her skirt if it made her happy?

Besides, Emmeline wasn't a stranger to getting weird or disapproving looks from people. She couldn't count the number of times she had to explain that Millie was her kid, and she wasn't babysitting, then see the other person's eyes fall as they backtracked awkwardly. Her heart sunk at their disapproval. So she was young, but she had stood up to the challenge, and Millie was turning out to be a pretty awesome kid if she did say so herself.

It wasn't just Millie growing and changing; Emmeline was too. She loved being in the kitchen, and daily she was getting more and more responsibilities at the bakery. She tried new recipes, which went over so well that Kathy, her boss, changed the bakery's recipes to hers. People came just for her cookies, and Emmeline was thrilled. Kathy saw the enthusiasm and set out to teach her everything she knew. Kathy was a French-trained chef with some serious skills. That was a while ago; now, she was starting to lose her passion and was happy to let Emmeline take over as she spent more time in the front of the bakery, chatting with customers and munching on Emmeline's creations.

Emmeline finally felt like she had some control over her life. She was on the verge of twenty-two and finally knew where she wanted her life to head. The idea of having her own bakery flitted through her mind regularly, challenging her sense of what she thought she could do. If only she had the money. No matter how much she tried to put some aside, other more pressing things always seemed to come up, like the summer when Millie went through two full sizes of clothes or when her car needed new tires and brakes in the same month. It was just never enough.

Emmeline supposed she could work longer hours, but the idea killed her. She wanted to spend as much time with Millie as she could. It was one reason why she didn't date. Firstly, the idea seemed so foreign. Besides, what twenty-something guy would want to date her in between her running Millie to gymnastics and ballet class? It wasn't like she even had time to date or had any guy to make her question if she even wanted to. Pernella was slowing down, and leaving Millie with her for long wasn't easy. And she didn't exactly have a lot of money left over at the end of the month to pay for babysitters, especially to go out with guys that weren't going to stick around. Besides, Millie provided hours of entertainment, hardly ever leaving her with a moment of peace.

Halfway through grade one, as Emmeline went to pick her daughter up from school, she found Millie bouncing.

"Mommy!"

"Hi, Millie. It looks like you had a good day!"

"Mommy! Today we were working on an art project, and it was really boring, and I said to Keesha that I wanted to put glitter on it, 'cause that would make it better, and she said that it would make it better. Glitter makes everything better, Mommy, and so we found the glitter and we put glitter on it, and it was sooooo beautiful!" Millie took a breath.