"Dylan's gay?" I asked out loud, more to confirm the fact of what Josh had just said. He gently nodded his 'yes.'
Weirdly my over riding emotion at this revelation was one of relief, because in many ways it made sense, but in others it didn't, and I shot back with, "Hold on, you asked me if I had the feels for Dylan – why would you ask that when you knew he was gay?"
He didn't hesitate, "Because at that point, Dylan was missing and I thought he might have felt something for you. He was my childhood friend, I loved him like a brother." He paused for thought, "I had this foolish thought that you could reunite us, make us friends again, make everything better – but I was wrong, obviously."
The questions tumbling through my head started to take order, and I asked them as they presented themselves, "Is Dylan the reason you left school?"
He smiled at me, knowingly, "Yes. We was chalk and cheese, the middle class white boy and the working class black boy. But we had a connection, our families were broken by violence: his mum met a violent end, my mum met violence daily at the hands of my dad, we had a shared fear, and it bonded us."
As he talked it was with affection, "We was so close, but when we hit fourteen, I knew Dylan wanted something I couldn't give him."
I jumped in, "Did he make a pass at you?" I asked.
He gave a little shoulder-shrugging chuckle, "You go straight for it, don't ya Benita?" He said.
"Well, did he?"
He looked reflective, "No, he didn't."
"Then what made you think he was into you?" I asked, curious.
His gaze switched back to the River Thames view, "We used to play fight: judo moves, wrestle, Tai-Kwando." He looked back to me, "As we got older, I noticed our contact sports excited Dylan a whole lot more than they did me," he said.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
Josh full on spluttered and laughed at my question, "Benita, is you for real?"
"Getting excited about play fighting doesn't mean he's gay," I said.
Josh snapped his fingers and full on laughed.
His laughter was infectious and I couldn't help but join in.
In between my chuckles I managed to ask, "Am I missing something?"
His laughing subsided, "You is not that naïve, Benita, are you jesting with me?" He asked.
"No."
He sat back and shot me a bemused look, "During our rough and tumble, Dylan would get excited by my contact," he said, pointing to his crotch.
The penny dropped and I felt suddenly stupid, "Oh, I get you," I said, trying to downplay my stoopid and hide my embarrassment at the same time.
Josh became reflective, "One day GG approached me in the street, introduced herself. She told me everything about the incident at Petal Road, Dylan's dad and all, Polly and how she was their secret guardian." He stood up, "That's how I got involved in all of this," he said. Then he swiftly changed his subject and tone, "Right, let's go purchase you a phone and make an appointment to meet Polly – we need to find out if your dad still breathes," he said.
###
I still had so many questions and a low level simmering anger about Josh not letting me in on the truth sooner. But I did my best to park the questions and contain the anger, particularly as he bought me the very latest iPhone. 'How shallow of you Benita' I thought to myself as we left the phone shop. But then I thought 'no' I will have it all out with him in due time. For now, I was just enjoying getting to know the intriguing and addictively attractive enigma that was Josh.
