Like the Ocean (Eremin)

01. 'miss'

I haven't really thought in depth about the events of those few days since it happened. Of course, I was always thinking about it. It's not easy to forget such a thing, but I never really explained what exactly happened and my personal experience to anyone. Everybody knows the basic story- the ship leaving for america, colliding with an ice berg and then sinking. I'm sure there's many recounts of what happened and personal experiences from other people, so I feel its appropriate that I do the same, telling the story of how I fell in love and then lost everything I loved in an instant. 

Despite the many years that have flown by, I haven't forgotten him. I will never forget him. His blonde hair that fell just short of his shoulders, the extremely faint freckles that could only be seen up close that coated his cheeks, contrasting with his pale flesh. His sweet smile that lit up the room, and of course his blue eyes that reflected the beauty of the ocean that we met on. It should have been him who survived, not me. Looking back now I probably could've saved him, and that's what haunts me the most. 

~

Since the announcement of the construction of the Titanic, my family and I were determined to be able to go on board and sail to America, where we were determined we'd have a better life. Since the death of my father, things had been only travelling down hill and it was to only get worse. We believed our future was in America and we would not let anything stand in our way- not even the law. It was wrong, I am aware of that now, but at the time I felt it was the only option as otherwise there was no way we'd be able to afford tickets for the three of us. 

I stood at the port, my sister Mikasa beside me, basking in the sunlight ,enjoying the heat on my flesh. I glanced around me at the many other people awaiting the go-ahead to begin boarding the ship. The atmosphere of the crowd was lively- children were playing in attempt to distract themselves from the overwhelming excitement, older passengers were eagerly discussing plans for when they board and relatives who were lovingly hugging their family goodbye. 

"Have you brought everything?" My mother said, placing her hand lightly on my own and Mikasa's shoulders. I nodded, returning to my thoughts, occasionally making light conversation with my sister. Before we knew it, the crowd began proceeding forward, excitedly boarding the huge vessel. My mother offered the ticket to the man who was checking them- third class. It was all we could afford if we were to get three. We travelled into the lower decks, glancing at the doors as we moved trying to find our cabin. 

"Eren, Mikasa, why don't you two go explore?" Mother said, opening the door and setting a foot inside. I nodded, grabbing Mikasa's hand and skipping back in the direction in which we came. We were one step closer to a new, better life. In a few days, we would be on american soil, we would be able to see the statue of liberty, breath the american air. I felt my body collide with something, snapping my out of my daydream and causing me to fall to the ground. 

"Sorry miss!" I said swiftly realising it was a person, pressing my hands to the ground the remove my weight off of the smaller person. I scrambled to my feet, offering my hand to the blonde. 

"It's ok." They take my offer, climbing to their own feet and dusting themselves down. "And for the record, I'm a boy." He smiled warmly at me, causing my cheeks to heat up. What type of idiot misgenders someone? At least he didn't take it to heart. 

"While you're here, is there any chance you could help me?" 

"What do you need?" I replied, feeling this would be a good way to make up for the small incident. 

"I'm having difficulty finding my cabin, would you be so kind as to help me?" Nodding, I took the ticket out of his hand and glanced at the cabin number. 

"I think it's this way."