Diary (Camren)

Chapter 32

November 19 2016

This is not the way we planned it. We didn't plan this. We had so much planned, there was so much we wanted to do. Then it all got destroyed. Why did I have to become resistant to the treatment? Why Lauren, Why? I'm crying so hard writing this, I can see you sitting in the chair in the corner, I can feel your eyes on me. I can feel you watch me. You're crying to, so is Mom. She's beside you. Tell them that I love them so much. Tell them that I never wanted to hurt them and that I'm so sorry about this. Lauren I dont know when you'll be reading this, maybe tonight or maybe in a week. Maybe you won't even read this at all. I would like to think that you wouldn't be sad or hurt about me being dead but I can feel that you love me as much as I love you so I know you will. I know you'll be sad and you'll be crying. But please, promise me to never stop smiling. Because your smile is the most perfect thing i've ever seen. So smile for me, baby, please? I also wanted to thank you for everything you have done for me. I don't think I can thank you enough. Thanks for sticking around, even though I've  been a totally wreck sometimes. I wish I would have been able to be a better girlfriend, I wish I could have taken you out on dates. I wish we could go ice skating. I wish so much but it'll never come true. But I don't really mind, because I've spent the last 21 months of my life with you, and that's more than enough. The rest would just be a bonus. I'm so blessed to have you in my life, and don't ever forget that I love you so so much. I hoped we would be married one day. Is that stupid? Because I think that you're my soulmate. I really do. If I've ever let you down, dissapointed you or hurt you - I'm really really sorry. I didn't mean it. I promise, I didn't. If you like that, I'm sorry. But I hope and think that I've  never let you down. Or maybe I have. Being sick like this isn't very nice to the person saround you. But thank you for staying with me, you have been my rock, the reason I fighted as long as I have. Can you do me a favor? At my funeral, please please sing and play the piano for me. I love it so much, when you do it. And you voice is perfect darling, don't worry about it. For me? Pretty please? You don't HAVE to, but it would make me so so happy if you did. You can choose the song. Maybe some song off the fray? But i dont know, you can choose. Whatever you won't. And say goodby to Normani, Dinah, Ally, you mom & your family from me. I love them all so much. They were here yesterday, saying goodbye. I don't think l've  ever cried that much. except from now maybe, this hurts. It HURTS to write a goodbyeletter to to the one you loves the most while dying and watching her cry. NO one should have to go thru this. God, I will miss you so so so so much. I will wait on you. Dont forget to smile for me. Thanks. I love you.

x Camila

Sooooo yeah...
There is only epilogue left and I will post it next week probably
And bc this book is over I started writing new fic called The Next Big Thing, I already posted first chapter so you should check it out
Sorry because mistakes! 💝

-Michaela